Published on May 22, 2020 - 3 min read
Children are very vulnerable creatures. Hence, positive and effective communication with them is very important. Even if you are very frustrated or had a bad day, it is important not to use certain words or statements that will have an impact on your children throughout their life.
Following are certain things that you must never ever tell your children if you really want them to be successful.
1) I Wish You Very Never Born in the First Place:
This is a very harsh and a very hurtful statement that one can ever tell their child. They start feeling that their very own existence does not matter to anyone. They start developing low self-esteem, and their confidence level starts dropping. Hence, never ever use this statement in front of your child.
2) I Wish You Were Clever Like Your Sibling:
Passing such a statement not only makes your child feel unworthy of themselves but also they start building feelings of jealousy, unwanted fights, and hatred towards their own sibling. Remember that all five fingers are not the same. If your child is not that good in studies, you can help him out in studies. But passing such naïve comments will not do any good either. If your child is good at sketching, you can help him build his interest by making him take up such hobby classes in his part-time, along with helping him out in studies. But remember, constant comparison among siblings is not good.
3) You Were Born Unplanned. We Did Not Want You:
Telling your child such things will make him feel that his own support system (his parents) do not love him enough, and the child constantly starts feeling that he was just a mistake and that his parents will not care for him anytime. Hence, avoid telling your child such things ever.
4) Please Don’t Cry Like a Girl or Crying Is Only Meant for Girls:
Please avoid gender roles when it comes to crying and expressing one’s feelings. By telling your male child that crying is only for girls, you are actually suppressing his feelings. Next time he would hide his pain and not express out things to you. Instead, ask your child politely as to what is the matter that is bothering him and that both would find out a solution together for it.
5) You Are Stupid or Silly:
Never call your child stupid. Even if your child has committed a mistake, there are ways to explain to your child to help your child improve himself or herself. Calling your child stupid or passing negative remarks will make your child feel that he is useless and good for nothing. He will be afraid to try out new things the next time. Hence, it is advisable never ever to call your child stupid anytime. We all are human beings, and we all at some point or the other tend to commit mistakes, but that does not make anyone stupid or silly at all.
6) Never Ever Complain About Your Spouse to Your Child:
We may sometimes have arguments and fights with our partner/spouse, and we tend to complain about our partner to our child. Little do we realize that the child is too young to handle this situation. We still keep telling them about how one’s partner behaved in an inappropriate way. In the long run, because of this habit unknowingly, your child starts disliking that parent, and it may spoil your relationship. Hence, never ever complain about your spouse to your child. They are your children and not your personal counselors.
7) Telling Your Child That Your Friend Has Scored Much Better and That He/She Could Have Done Better:
Never ever make the mistake of telling your child that his/her friend has scored much better and that he/she could have done better. It leads to a sense of constant peer-pressure and jealously among children. They might even stop liking that particular friend whom you keep comparing your child with and might stop building a friendship or playing with that particular friend because of this constant comparison being done. Instead, as a parent, it is essential to recognize and appreciate the efforts made by your child.
8) You Should Always Be the Best at Everything:
Right from when the kid joins preschool, we parents sometimes unknowingly create a rat-race for them wanting them to be the best in everything. It may be studies, sports, or extracurricular activities. We should never create this extra pressure among children. They are kids. Let them enjoy their childhood. Tell them that it is completely fine if they were not able to get a particular score or if they did not win a particular game. Tell them that their efforts matter the most and that their efforts will always seem very important. If you constantly pressurize them to be the best, they might also be a victim of depression at a very young age. So always be careful about the way you communicate with your child.
9) Never Tell Your Child That They Are Good for Nothing:
Avoid passing statements on your child, saying that they are good for nothing. Every child is unique, and God has blessed everyone with some kind of talent. Some may be good at singing, and some may excel at studies. Some may really be good at sports. That does not mean that your child is good for nothing just because he/she does not excel at studies.
10) Never Tell Your Child Constantly That They Are a Burden to You Staying in Their House:
Constantly, telling your child that they are living in your house and hence you are supposed to do this, and that. This will actually make your kid feel like a big burden on their parents. They may actually start feeling very worthless and will slowly and gradually develop a very low self-esteem and developing a low confidence level.
I hope that you really keep these things in mind and never say these things to your kids anytime.
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