Q. My husband is abusive and addicted to alcohol. What to do?

Hi doctor,

I have been married for eight years, it was a love marriage, and things were fine initially. Three years back, my husband left his job to pursue his passion for becoming an entrepreneur, and I supported him in whichever way I could, both mentally and financially. But, things did not go as per the plan. He has always been a very confident person, who has always thought high of himself. So, because of all this, his weekly drinking habit got converted to daily drinking. It has been three years since we had any sexual relationship. When I try to confront him, it only ends up in an argument, and he tries to pull me down mentally. Things took an uglier turn when he verbally abused me, and I had to leave the room to protect me and my kid. He keeps abusing me mentally in front of our 5 year old son. It is very disturbing to see our kid being raised up like this. It has become a routine for my husband, although lately, he has become very sensitive about me. I told my father about this, and he asked me to come back home. My mother is suffering from blood cancer, and she will live only for 2 to 3 years more. She does not know about all this, if I leave everything today, I may loose my mother way too early. She will not be able to bear it. I am so mentally sick and irritated, and I do not know wat to do. My husband says that things will change. Is it advisable to forget everything and start fresh? My mind is saying no, but I cannot disturb my parents anymore. Please help.

Hi doctor,

Thanks for the response. I do not want any form of support from my husband's side, as I am sure I can take good care of my kid on my own. He does not think he is addicted to alcohol, he thinks his behavior is justified, even though it is not normal for me. Because he abuses me not only in the house but in public also. Taking him to any form of counseling is just impossible, he has a very different idea of psychology or psychiatry. I have confronted him on this front as well. For me to take a decision to go ahead with this marriage or separate is the hardest one, he will not change, even if he does, it will be a very temporary change. Should I think about my mother and stay back or should I move ahead? I have the full support of my family, they will always support me. Kindly suggest.