Q. I am depressed due to the guilt of ejaculating while sleeping in the same bed with my mother. Please help.

Answered by
Dr. Mehwish Mursaleen
and medically reviewed by iCliniq medical review team.
Published on May 30, 2017

Hello doctor,

I am a 55 year old male, and I have been suffering from depression due to extreme guilt from 22 years. I have been taking allopathic medicines, but my depression bounces back. Actually, my childhood, teenage, and adolescent was disturbing. My father always abused me, and my parents quarrel daily. My father always neglected me and avoided paying my college fees. Other than this, I witnessed my parents having sex many times in the same room where I slept. I felt disgusted and also excited. I wanted to avoid the situation, but I did not have any option. When I was 19 years old, I happened to see my mother taking bath from the keyhole. One day, I slept with my mother in the same bed, and I ejaculated. At the time of ejaculation, my back was towards my mother. I love and respect my mother a lot, and I always feel I am a sinner. I am unable to forgive myself, and I have not able to get over it. I have been living with guilt and feeling bad about myself for 20 years. Please suggest some solution. I am taking Paxinet 37.5 mg, Lithium 800 mg, and Quetiapine 50.

Dr. Mehwish Mursaleen

Psychologist/ Counsellor


Welcome to icliniq.com.

I completely understand that you feel depressed and guilty due to past negative experiences in life.

  • Multiple depressive episodes despite taking medication can be due to unresolved conflicts of childhood, which may reside in unconscious mind. Guilt is one of the factors behind depression.
  • Do you have any other past negative experiences and history of treatment since the development of depressive symptoms?
  • As you have mentioned that use of medicines has not been proven effective for you to recover from depression, it clearly indicates the need for psychotherapy. Research has shown that cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is the best treatment for long-term effects and complete remission of depressive disorders.
  • You are strongly recommended to take psychotherapy sessions from a psychologist. During the session, you will learn coping strategies to deal with traumatic life experiences effectively and to enhance daily life functioning. Here, I am giving you some tips to deal with your current condition. Deal with your feelings of guilt, which will reduce your depressive state.
  • Here is a model for you which will help you to understand the thought-emotion-behaviour link. Behind every feelings or emotion, there is a thought, for example, guilt is created by negative thoughts such as 'I am a sinner, I made the sin,' which leads to dysfunctional behaviors such as crying spells, aggression, self-harm, etc. This is a negative cycle which creates negative consequences in life. If we alter this to positive cycle, the life consequences will be changed.
  • Here is an example for you. Change the negative thoughts into positive thoughts such as 'I have no control over my past, but I can change my present which will have positive consequences on my future' or 'I had no control over the situation at very young age, so I could not change the circumstances, and therefore I am not liable to answer for it. As an adult, I have control over my present choices. I can choose well in my present which has a positive influence on my present and future life.'
  • These thoughts will create feelings of satisfaction, good will, and motivation, which will lead to positive behaviors such as putting efforts to make present good, helping others or leaving a positive influence on others, or any other positive act which will have a positive influence on your life.
  • List down positive statements for you according to your situations, as I have given in above example. Read these positive affirmations regularly so that your mind process them automatically. As you do this exercise daily, you will see a positive change in your mental state.
  • Do consult a psychologist for your complete treatment. Research has shown that people who take CBT at the initial stage when symptoms arise, they have more chances of improvement and fewer chances of the depressive episode again in life. Whereas, delay in treatment may worsen the symptoms and there are more chances that depressive episode may occur again.

I hope this information is helpful for you. Do follow-up if you feel the need. Best regards.

For more information consult a psychologist counsellor online --> https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/psychologist-counsellor

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