I have depression and feel completely withdrawn from social life. Kindly help.

Hello doctor,

I am a 25-year-old female suffering from depression for the last two years due to various reasons. I am a loner in life and am now completely withdrawn from social life. I cannot name a few friends to whom I can talk and my family does not show any care towards me. I am staying away from my family due to a job and staying alone. I consulted a psychiatrist five months back as I was having sleeping problems (I used to feel severe anxiety and fear at night without any reason). He diagnosed me with a major depressive disorder and the doctor prescribed some anti-depressants but I am reluctant to take such depressants as I think they might have side effects so am not using any medicines. I cannot connect to people or converse or mix up with them easily ever since my childhood, as a result, I remained a loner in life. I had never been in a loving relationship with any boy till now and that upsets me a lot. I had feelings towards two guys but they left me saying they do not love me. I feel always rejected in life. As I could not bear this loneliness daily anymore, I started chatting online not realizing I was making a wrong move. I met one person in real but I was forced to have sex without my interest (this happened two months back and I fear pregnancy). I feel totally guilty and sometimes nothing for what I did. I shut down online chatting and now I feel it is impossible for me to have a social life anymore. My family cannot get me married. I feel there is nothing in my life to be happy about and I feel I am not worth anything on this earth. I am feeling very much suicidal (I may not do it but I really feel that I do not want to live a life like this). I feel irritated and lose control over myself easily. I started abusing my family members saying that they do not care about me enough. I lost interest in my career and not able to work properly and was unable to speak friendly with my colleagues. I cannot go out of my home to anywhere on my own nor do I have anyone to go with and feel more depressed to go alone. I am afraid I may lose my career along with my personal life too. I wake up in the night sometimes not recognizing myself and for what purpose I exist. I am not able to put my entire feelings but I feel them very strong. I am writing this with the hope that you will help me.