Dr. Vishal Anilkumar Gandhi
Psychiatry
The following is an actual conversation between an iCliniq user and a doctor that has been reviewed and published as a Premium Q&A.
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Patient's Query
Hello doctor,
I got married four months back this year, and my age is 29. I bought a safety glass for my wife since the oil spilled over her head while cooking. However, my mother stayed with me and cooked for me for eight years. And I did not buy safety glass for her. And my mother became angry that I did not get her a safety glass. So I accepted my mistake in front of my mother. But still, the relationship did not seem to settle calmly. So how to calm my mother?
Hello,
Welcome to icliniq.com.
Thank you for taking help from a psychiatrist. It will be difficult for you to manage both your mother and your wife. Your mother has difficulty accepting that you are going to give more love and importance to your wife, not your mother. It is the female nature of jealousy. It is difficult for your mother to share you with someone else. Your mother has to give some personal space to you and allow you to share yourself with your wife. She should not interfere in household chores until your wife, or you do not ask for help. In short, your mother should retire and help your wife as much as she can. It will be easy for you if your wife is mature and understands all this stuff.
I hope that you get my point.
Please let me know if you want some help.
Thank you.
Patient's Query
Hello doctor,
My wife is pregnant now. As per our custom, the wife has to go to her mother's house and get delivered there, and after the child is six months old, she will return with the child to my home. And also, since my mother is old, she cannot take care of my wife during the pregnancy. My father cooks for me, my wife, my mother, and himself since my wife is not able to cook due to her pregnancy as she gets a stomach ache if she stands for some time and does even a little bit of work. After the incident, as mentioned earlier, my mother became angry, and she said that she and my father would take care of my wife during pregnancy and not let her go to her mother's home. By this statement, what actually my mother means is that she will suffer, and my father will also suffer but they will take care of my wife during pregnancy, even not caring about their own health which can deteriorate to the worst. She feels that I would be with my wife enjoying. How to handle this issue?
Hello,
Welcome back to icliniq.com.
It all depends upon your mother. Your wife is pregnant, and your mother is old. You have to deal with this problem and try to help each other as much as possible. Try to divide the work between each other and make it smooth. If you all have some problems and limitations, you should try to work together. Take the help of someone elder and allow your wife to go home to rest. It is not just a custom, but it is the old way of letting the mother get enough rest and good food with love at her own home after marriage. Your wife is new at your home, and it is difficult to adjust and rest. Again, I am saying the same thing; it all depends upon your mother. Take the help of your father to solve this issue.
I hope that you received your answer. Please let me know if you want some help.
Thank you.
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Psychiatry
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