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Q. How do I let go of my anger and resentment towards my aunt?

Answered by
Dr. K V Anand
and medically reviewed by iCliniq medical review team.
This is a premium question & answer published on Sep 30, 2016 and last reviewed on: Sep 07, 2020

Hi doctor,

I have seen my aunt torturing my mom during my years of growing up from 4 to 21 years. My father died when I was 3, so we had to stay at my maternal grandparent's house. All I remember in my childhood was my mom's suffering, fear of aunt, etc. I hate that aunt so much and we have cut all relationship with their family now. We are in a good place and happy. But, whenever I think of that aunt or hear some news about them, I feel that she should suffer and something bad should happen to her. I feel very angry and get disturbed if some mention anything about her. Sometimes, I feel that she and her family should suffer and she has to pay for what she has done. I just do not want to feel like that. I should let go her off and her family. I do not want to care about them. How can I do this? I have tried so many times thinking them as someone who are unrelated to me. But, it does not seem to let go of it. Sometimes, I feel so angry and my whole body shakes. How do I let this anger and resentment go away?



Welcome to

I can understand your problem.

  • Your unconscious mind has certain footprints of what you have suffered in your past and you need to get rid of the negative aspects of it.
  • There will be good and bad. Good incidents will give you pleasant feeling and bad incidents will give you nightmares or make you disturbed. This does not only happen when you actively think about those incidents. These also happen to you unknowingly.
  • You must also understand that your perception is unique. There is nothing good or bad. Everything is just incidents. It is your perception which makes those incidents good or bad. A good incident for you could be bad for someone and vice versa.
  • Therefore, your perception about the aunt related incident needs to be changed and the data on your unconscious mind should be rewritten. Otherwise, it will disturb you throughout your life.
  • Simply you have to overwrite the aunt related negative data with the same aunt related positive data. That is the only treatment available other than antidepressive drugs. I will not advise you to use drugs. I strongly advise for overwriting of data.
  • This method is called brain restructuring, a method of psychotherapy. I can help you do that. I just write down many positive aspects of your aunt's behavior. You can find many of them from your memory.
  • Now, whenever you come across negative memory, write the negative memory on a paper, scratch it with your pen and near that, write a positive memory. Continue doing this for a month or so. Your problem will be solved. Take my word for it. Take care.

For further information consult a psychiatrist online -->

Thank you doctor,

There are no positive data related to that person as far as I remember. But, her behavior helped me to be strong and to have zeal towards life. Then, I only worked towards making my family independent. But, I do not have any happy memory related to her and she was not kind to us in any way. I also get nightmares of being back in the house with her. Now, I cannot associate positive memory of her when I do not have one. I will be faking it if I imagine her being good. Is there any other way?



Welcome back to

  • This is the easiest way. I am not asking for positive memories. Your aunt's general behavior towards her family, children, friends, etc., can be used.
  • Do not outrightly refuse the presence of positive attributes. I am sure there will be.
  • The second method is cognitive restructuring through hypnosis and it is complicated.
  • The third method is cognitive behavioral therapy. In this you need to talk to a psychiatrist once in a week and plan and execute many CBT techniques one by one. Trial and error method. It will take around three months, but it will be effective.

For further information consult a psychiatrist online -->

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