HomeAnswersPsychiatrysex driveHow can I assist my husband, who has a poor sex drive?

What are the ways to improve the sex drive for a healthy sexual relationship?

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The following is an actual conversation between an iCliniq user and a doctor that has been reviewed and published as a Premium Q&A.

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Published At April 9, 2023
Reviewed AtDecember 27, 2023

Patient's Query

Hello doctor,

I am becoming very frustrated with my sex life. My husband and I have been married for three years. We did not have sex until marriage. Although, we did many things while we dated that indicated our sex drives were on the same page. My husband is very much an overthinker. He started getting anxious about sex when we traveled during our first six months. Our living conditions were very inconsistent, and he felt a lot of pressure when we did have alone time, that we had to have sex. I figured things would get better when we got our own place and life settled down. He no longer gets as angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed, but we do not really have sex that often. Whenever we do, it is amazing. But it is only every couple of weeks or so. Usually, only on his day off, and even then, everything has to align perfectly. We talk about it all the time, but I have tried to back off because it often makes things worse. I am worried about staying with him long-term and having kids with him. I am sure if we had kids we would only have sex once a month or less. I am not content, but I do not feel like his sex drive will ever come close to mine. We have tried so many things, and it just seems like sex is never going to be much of a priority for him. I do not feel desired or pursued. I feel like his best friend or his roommate. I know he loves me so much, he is so sweet and thoughtful, but I do not think a marriage can be healthy without a thriving sexual component. He often offers to do sexual things to me, which I appreciate. But it is not the same because it just feels like an obligation, not passion, and not a mutual sexual experience. What can I do to help him? Are we just too different? Should we end the marriage before more pain is caused?

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I thoroughly read your query and understand your concern.

Yes, you are right. Every individual is different, so there is a difference in people's sexual desires and needs. Now as you already said, you people discussed it many times, so I want to know, what are the reasons behind differences in your sexual desires? If it is modifiable, then try to change that environment or situation, and if it is something gradually developing inside him without any reason then I am afraid it is not much you can do. If you want I suggest you try marital or couple counseling to figure out the subconscious reasons behind it. This is the only way you can help your sexual life.

If you need any further help you can always connect with me.

Hope this helps.

Regards.

Same symptoms don't mean you have the same problem. Consult a doctor now!

Dr. Vandana Patidar
Dr. Vandana Patidar

Psychiatry

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