Why does my dad keep abusing me?

Hi,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I can understand what you are going through and you have my sympathies for the same. Coming to your dad, you say that he hates you, abuses you and dictates you. This can be hard for an 20 year old to face, but suicidal thoughts are not the solution for the same. Here is my advice from a psychiatric point of view. The first thing that you have to accept is that you cannot change his behavior. But, you can change your reaction (both mental and physical) to his authoritarian and harsh behavior. I understand that his abusing and hating behavior is a symptom of his mental illness. He is mentally ill because no man in his right mind would abuse his 18 year old daughter. He could be suffering from a personality disorder or mood disorder or substance abuse or is frustrated by his work and is taking it out on you. His abnormal behavior has no meaning. Do not take it personally. If he hates you, it does not mean that you are hate worthy. If he scolds you for something, it does not mean that you did something wrong. What he says or does is indicative of his thinking, personality and frustrations. It is in no way indicative of your behavior. So, do not let the words that he uses hurt you. Do not let his behavior towards you and affect your self esteem or confidence. Simply turn a deaf ear to his abusing and ignore his behavior. Remind yourself of your qualities and achievements whenever you doubt yourself worth. Stay away from him as much as possible. Keep yourself busy in sports, hobbies, friends, school, library, etc. Keep him out of sight so that he remains out of your mind. Plan to go away from your home for your further studies. Communicate your feelings with a close friend, your mom or other family members. That will vent away some negativity from your mind. If you have suicidal thoughts frequently then it is advisable that you see a psychiatrist or a psychologist. You could be suffering from clinical depression because of your father's behavior. Clinical depression is very much treatable with medications and counseling. So, do not be shy in seeking help because help from a mental health professional could change your mental and emotional state completely. Wish you all the best in life.