I am 22 years old, currently pursuing my masters. I have noticed it over a few months now. I have absolutely no control of my mind or my emotions. I am happy one moment and the next moment all I want to do is cry. I feel unhappy and claustrophobic all the time. I have always got this urge to escape or harm myself. I have not inflicted pain on myself because I am scared but I do have such thoughts all the time. I used to be able to memorize things and do well in exams. But now it is bothering me. I cannot find the patience and persistence I used to have before. I have become impatient, bored easily and angry often. And I have always had these conflicting thoughts in my head. I would love to know why and what I could do to help myself feel calmer. I have tried meditating but yesterday I burst out crying and I could not do it anymore. I would be grateful for your help.
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Based on your symptoms you seem to be suffering from a mood disorder, either bipolar or cyclothymia or depression. There is a need for detailed assessment and evaluation to confirm the diagnosis. It happens in acute phases of illness that disturbance is so high, one cannot concentrate properly hence meditation is very difficult. Once your Illness settles little, you would be able to do meditation. I would advise you to consult a psychiatrist, get your diagnosis confirmed and go-ahead with planned treatment. Do not delay in seeking the treatment, your condition and symptom severity seems high. If you find it hard to fight alone, involve your family members for support and care. You need them at the moment. Wish you get well soon.
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