I have a lot of self-doubts and feel like I am being watched. I am scared to move into the city and also fear boys. I always feel insecure that someone might find fault in my acts while listening to class with a strength of 200. I have low self-esteem and self-confidence.
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First of all, Thanks for raising this query. The problem you described affects about 5% of the general population, and most of them never know whether any help is available. Many of them do not admit and confide it to others. You were thinking of what others to think about you. By raising this query, you will benefit a lot of individuals by direct or indirect means. I also like to congratulate you because you crossed the first and most important barrier of getting treated or helped by admitting that it causes distress.
According to your narration, it appears that you are probably suffering from anxious (avoidant personality disorder), a kind of personality in which individuals are susceptible to criticism and rejection. They tend to feel inadequate and present as timid. Despite a strong desire for human companionship, they tend to be fearful of relationships. They will often take jobs with little opportunity for advancement or personal recognition. Now you may understand that this is not your fault. This is neither due to your ego nor due to your shyness. This personality is in your genes, which may have manifested themselves because of your life's adverse situations. In most individuals, the onset of this kind of personality is in childhood but recognizable in adolescent years. For such problems, various pharmacological and psychological methods of treatment can be employed.
If you think the description provided by me does not apply to you, you might have a social anxiety disorder. For detailed evaluation, I need to know about the age of onset, family history, and other symptoms that you are currently facing. For getting treated, I advise you to meet a psychiatrist either online or in person. I will be happy to help you. Thanks.
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