Q. Dealing with separation. Please suggest something to take my feelings away.

Answered by
Dr. Shivanand B Hiremath
and medically reviewed by iCliniq medical review team.
This is a premium question & answer published on Jul 21, 2016 and last reviewed on: Jun 03, 2020

Hi doctor,

I am 41 years old. I am dealing with separation. My husband is possibly a sociopath. He left the city two years ago and wants a divorce now. I am unable to go ahead with it. I need some help for my anxiety and the illusion he created years ago. Also, I was on Daxid 100 mg and stopped now.

#

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

  • I understand what you are going through. I would like to know some more details about the problems you are experiencing.
  • Do you have a social support at present from some close family members or children or parents? Are you financially independent?
  • Please give more details about your anxiety. Do you have depressive symptoms like loss of hope and interest in life, suicidal ideas, etc?
  • How long are you suffering from anxiety? How long were you on Daxid (Sertraline)?

The Probable causes:

Separation from spouse.

Differential diagnosis:

Depression mixed anxiety.

Regarding follow up:

Revert back with a detailed history to a psychiatrist online.---> https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/psychiatrist

Thank you doctor,

It is a completely dysfunctional relationship and I have been unsuccessful in ending it. He connected me into the marriage 10 years ago by giving me a near perfect relationship. And post marriage, I realized he had sexual issues, did not hold onto a job, etc. He hence dependent financially on me and lived with me until two years ago. Then, he probably found another supply. I lived with him because marriage was important for me. I believed that he was mentally ill and so I should accept him the way he is. I lived with the illusion of love he created in my mind. I cared him and we lived like friends for the past 8 years. It took me all these years to realize that he is a sociopath. There have been a string of women he has dated in the last few years and left because of his sexual issues. I do not know whether he is a gay. I have done a lot of research and discussed with experts like you and reached this conclusion. I can see all the red flags and know for a fact that he has no emotions whatsoever for anyone. When he met someone else take care of his needs he left me 2 years ago. He wants a divorce now and that too mutually. I know I should just end this, but divorce scares me. I do not know if I still have feelings for him. Why cannot I get angry and hate him for his actions? I guess I am an empath who has now become a codependent, something I am not proud of.

I am a working woman and I have a great family. I am the only child in my family. My parents are not really pushing me for divorce. They feel I should not give it so easily. I was recommended on Daxid 4 years ago when I was going through this stress. I have not had any major anxiety issues except PMS. I stopped Daxid after 5 months as the dreams were disturbing and I did not want to get addicted. I have no suicidal thoughts. But, yes, I do not feel happy anymore and cannot really plan my life ahead. Ever since he has started asking for divorce, I am feeling a little anxious. I want to be strong and controlled. I do not want to feel for someone whom I know is a cheat. Please help.

#

Hello,

Welcome back to icliniq.com.

  • It is natural for you to feel cheated and have problem in readjustment. As far as the divorce issue is concerned, you have to take the decision considering your life situation, your strength and weaknesses.
  • Try to take a practical decision and move ahead. Because, till you do not find a solution to the present problem your life will not move ahead.
  • I would like to know a few details about whether you still enjoy going to an office and mingling with colleagues? Or do you have the same interest in activities which earlier you used to enjoy?
  • What about your sleep and appetite?
  • Also, please note that not all psychiatric drugs are addicting. If taken under expert monitoring, then they are as good as any other medication.

Revert back with the answers to the above questions to a psychiatrist online -->https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/psychiatrist

Thank you doctor,

When at work, I am fine and able to focus. No appetite or sleep issues. But, there is sadness and I know some level of depression has set in. I request you to suggest something which can take away this feeling. Maybe something that will help me stay calm and peaceful rather detached.

#

Hi,

Welcome back to icliniq.com.

Thank you for the details.

  • I would definitely suggest you medications. But, I would also strongly suggest you visit a psychotherapist at the earliest.
  • Moderate amount of physical exercise and meditation would also help.

Investigations to be done:

Check your thyroid profile.

Treatment plan:

I suggest tablet Nexito (Escitalopram) 10 mg once daily at night for one month. There will be slight drowsiness initially, but later on it will subside. Consult your specialist doctor, discuss with him or her and take the medicine with consent.

Regarding follow up:

Revert back after a month to a psychiatrist online.---> https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/psychiatrist


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