Q. Due to constant rejection, I have lost my sex drive. Please help.

Answered by
Dr. Padmapriya Chandran
and medically reviewed by iCliniq medical review team.
This is a premium question & answer published on Oct 01, 2016 and last reviewed on: Sep 07, 2020

Hi doctor,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 months. The honeymoon phase did not last long and on the end anyway. I noticed that within two to three months our sex life really slowed down. At first it did not bother me because he is more of a passive or shy personality. So, I thought I would initiate more. That worked for another month or two, but by the second month it was more no than yes. Then, I stopped initiating and figured I would let him initiate at his own pace and two weeks went by with no sex. I asked him if he still found me attractive and he insisted he did and nothing was wrong. We did have sex only because I was the one being suggestive. In these almost one year of life, we had not had sex for the last two months or maybe more. We recently had an argument about something else and the lack of sexual intimacy came up. Once again, he swore it had nothing to do with me. I am so torn.

I care about him very much, but I have recently had lost my sex drive. The constant rejection and lack of interest shown on his part leaves me feeling unattractive and confused. I should mention that he has made unflattering comments before about my body. Before six months, when I asked him about our sex life, he mentioned that sometimes he cannot feel anything. I felt lost, but not all the time. I tried not to make a big deal of it. But, I was extremely hurt and still I am. I personally enjoyed having sex with him. Till this day he claims he is still into me and says that he just does not really get the urge to have sex. He has even mentioned a couple of times that he would get that checked out. Of course, that has not happened. Where do I go from here? I enjoy his company but, he started to feel like a best friend and not a boyfriend. I do know if he is comfortable with the relationship the way it is I will eventually have to end it. I am not sure how to bring it up without hurting his feelings though.



Welcome to icliniq.com.

  • Having sex in a long-term relationship is a sign of commitment. For some, sex might not be the only way to show the love.
  • The very fact that he is affectionate to you shows that he loves you.
  • Sexual phase is not the same every time. It is like a see-saw.
  • I advise you to consider continuing your relationship irrespective of your sexual life. Develop a sense of possessiveness and get him evaluated by a sex therapist.
  • Do not be impulsive to quit the relationship.

For further information consult a psychiatrist online -->https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/psychiatrist

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