Hello doctor,
I am feeling much more in control, and I also feel that I was not able to describe my symptoms properly. I have some doubt if you went through all my symptoms that I briefed from the beginning:
- First conversation: I described that I faced a time where job stress killed me every day, and I detached myself from everyone, felt emotionless even with my family, drowsiness, and no sense of reality. I also described that I did live my life, but I never felt a connection as I have become a robot. Forgetfulness, short-term memory loss, no attention at all.
- Second conversation: I described that I am still lost and not able to find my true self as there is a shadow in my brain that is stopping me from having clarity.
- Third conversation: I described that the only important concern to me now is to have thoughts clarity, get back self-confidence, positive attitude, and be attentive.
I am thinking about all of this because I came across a blog that I find very similar to the situation I was/am in. I am copying the blog below: Anxiety-induced depersonalisation and derealisation - One of the most unpleasant symptoms of my anxiety was the very surreal feeling of not really being part of the world anymore. I had feel spaced out, not with it, and like I was not real or present in my day-to-day actions and experiences. This was often coupled with feeling dizzy, light-headed, and a constant need to rest or sleep in a darkened room. I felt like a numbness had crept over my body and mind, the world no longer seemed to be in 3D. Instead, it would become flat, grey, and dull. All I could keep thinking was, 'something has to be wrong with my brain.' It took several years until I realized what was going on; I was experiencing anxiety-induced depersonalization and derealization. In today's post, I am going to be looking at both of these conditions in some detail, why they are experienced by many anxiety sufferers, and how to stop them from occurring. What is depersonalization and derealization?
- Depersonalization: It is where you do not feel real, and your mind feels disconnected from your body. Your body and especially your limbs do not feel like a part of you; they often seem different and out of place. You feel withdrawn, numb, and often as if it is not you performing the actions you are doing. Many liken it to watching their life through a film in which they are not the participant.
- Derealization: It is where the world around you does not feel real. Objects and colors do not seem as you remember them, and they can often appear to change in shape and color or become fuzzy or blurry. You often get tunnel vision, and the things outside your peripheral view seem strange or out of place. The world can seem grey, flat, and 2D, and the people in it do not feel real, like they are robots or automatons.
So, what is going on? Your sense of reality or 'being' is all controlled within your mind. The world only exists to you because of your thoughts, feelings, perceptions, and memories. I had my thoughts, feelings, perceptions, and memories become disconnected; you lose your sense of identity and who you are. The way you view yourself, your actions, and the world you inhabit changes, and you become 'dissociated' from reality. You feel like your mind and body are two separate entities. I had felt the same but not with much intensity. I didn't have any out-of-body experience. Today, I am at great relief as the medication relieved my derealization symptom. By tracking online, I fall under the category of mild depression only, but I also fall under moderate anxiety. I am looking for your view on this. Please advise.