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Q. I am depressed due to the guilt of ejaculating while sleeping in the same bed with my mother. Please help.

Answered by
Dr. Mehwish Mursaleen
and medically reviewed by iCliniq medical review team.
This is a premium question & answer published on May 30, 2017 and last reviewed on: Oct 04, 2021

Hello doctor,

I am a 55 year old male, and I have been suffering from depression due to extreme guilt from 22 years. I have been taking allopathic medicines, but my depression bounces back. Actually, my childhood, teenage, and adolescent was disturbing. My father always abused me, and my parents quarrel daily. My father always neglected me and avoided paying my college fees. Other than this, I witnessed my parents having sex many times in the same room where I slept. I felt disgusted and also excited. I wanted to avoid the situation, but I did not have any option. When I was 19 years old, I happened to see my mother taking bath from the keyhole. One day, I slept with my mother in the same bed, and I ejaculated. At the time of ejaculation, my back was towards my mother. I love and respect my mother a lot, and I always feel I am a sinner. I am unable to forgive myself, and I have not able to get over it. I have been living with guilt and feeling bad about myself for 20 years. Please suggest some solution. I am taking Paxinet 37.5 mg, Lithium 800 mg, and Quetiapine 50.

#

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I completely understand that you feel depressed and guilty due to past negative experiences in life.

  • Multiple depressive episodes despite taking medication can be due to unresolved conflicts of childhood, which may reside in unconscious mind. Guilt is one of the factors behind depression.
  • Do you have any other past negative experiences and history of treatment since the development of depressive symptoms?
  • As you have mentioned that use of medicines has not been proven effective for you to recover from depression, it clearly indicates the need for psychotherapy. Research has shown that cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is the best treatment for long-term effects and complete remission of depressive disorders.
  • You are strongly recommended to take psychotherapy sessions from a psychologist. During the session, you will learn coping strategies to deal with traumatic life experiences effectively and to enhance daily life functioning. Here, I am giving you some tips to deal with your current condition. Deal with your feelings of guilt, which will reduce your depressive state.
  • Here is a model for you which will help you to understand the thought-emotion-behaviour link. Behind every feelings or emotion, there is a thought, for example, guilt is created by negative thoughts such as 'I am a sinner, I made the sin,' which leads to dysfunctional behaviors such as crying spells, aggression, self-harm, etc. This is a negative cycle which creates negative consequences in life. If we alter this to positive cycle, the life consequences will be changed.
  • Here is an example for you. Change the negative thoughts into positive thoughts such as 'I have no control over my past, but I can change my present which will have positive consequences on my future' or 'I had no control over the situation at very young age, so I could not change the circumstances, and therefore I am not liable to answer for it. As an adult, I have control over my present choices. I can choose well in my present which has a positive influence on my present and future life.'
  • These thoughts will create feelings of satisfaction, good will, and motivation, which will lead to positive behaviors such as putting efforts to make present good, helping others or leaving a positive influence on others, or any other positive act which will have a positive influence on your life.
  • List down positive statements for you according to your situations, as I have given in above example. Read these positive affirmations regularly so that your mind process them automatically. As you do this exercise daily, you will see a positive change in your mental state.
  • Do consult a psychologist for your complete treatment. Research has shown that people who take CBT at the initial stage when symptoms arise, they have more chances of improvement and fewer chances of the depressive episode again in life. Whereas, delay in treatment may worsen the symptoms and there are more chances that depressive episode may occur again.

I hope this information is helpful for you. Do follow-up if you feel the need. Best regards.

For more information consult a psychologist counsellor online --> https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/psychologist-counsellor


Hello doctor,

Thanks for the reply.

I have been taking CBT and completed four sessions, but I still feel guilty. The question that always comes to my mind is why I did that? I do not find the answer for the last 19 years.

I have had depression from my childhood, and I attempted suicide two times. I was not in an excellent job for the past six years after the completion of my education. The start point of my depression was fear of termination because of my company's hard rules and regulations. I watched porn, and the actress was an old age lady. This porn recollected me all happening which I did with my mother. I love her too much. But I did bad with her.

I have been recollecting those memories continuously and facing extreme guilt episodes. When the guilt episode comes, I become helpless and do not see any solution. I also became mad wants to pull my hair.

Please help.

#

Hello,

Welcome back to icliniq.com.

I can understand that you feel concerned as your guilt feelings remain. There might be some factors behind the lack of progress through therapy.

This frequently occurs at the initial stage of therapy. Once you start working with your psychologist comfortably and fluently, you will see the positive results gradually. As the beliefs are stronger with time, the more time they have persisted, the more time they will shatter. More practice of thought or belief change exercises will prove beneficial in shattering the beliefs.

How the beliefs are learned takes the same process to get unlearned from the mind; therefore, your brain takes time to alter the patterns.

The issues have not been discussed or sorted out in detail. For this reason, always consult your topics with a psychologist in fact and openly. If you keep a psychologist from knowing the core of your problems, the harder it will become for you to sort out these issues independently.

Another factor behind the better progress of your therapy is how much you put effort into learning and applying those strategies that your psychologist teaches. Because therapy is a two-way process, both things are equally important. That is, the therapist provides you with tools and techniques and your implementation in real life.

I hope this information will help you in the current treatment you are taking.

Best Regards.


Hello doctor,

Thanks for the reply.

I have been taking allopathic medicines as prescribed by the doctor and getting counseling from the therapist weekly for the last three months. I am still struggling with depression, tremors, shortness of breath, weakness, etc. I do not know whether this is happening due side effects of medicines and due to my depression. My depression is killing me day by day. I have a complete mood disorder, no interest in any activity which I enjoyed earlier. My guilt feelings are very bad.

Kindly help.

#

Hello,

Welcome back to ickiniq.com.

I appreciate the treatment and following advice of your psychiatrist and counsellor. Learning to live with depression can be achieved when you formulate your own definitions in life. Such as it means that learning to live with the feelings of guilt (depression). If you do not chose to live with guilt, it indicates your will to overcome the guilt and throw it out of life. Just see your life without this feelings because you hate this feeling, and now it is enough, you want to free yourself from this derogatory feelings which has severely affected your life. When you learn to live without guilt, you will achieve the life which you want.Make yourself busy in life that you want to live. Past life will leave you when you start focusing on your present life, how it is, how you want it to be, what actions you can take to make it better.This is an example of coping with guilt. Further, religious coping and prevalent ways of coping in accordance with your cultural practices may also help you deal with it.

Regards.


Hello doctor,

Thanks for the reply.

I have been trying to come out from depression. I keep myself busy in activities and keeping positive approach. But all of a sudden, my mood changes and depression episodes starts. I am unable to bear the pain. Life became very painful, there is no happiness, no laughing, not enjoying in any activity which I liked in the past.

Kindly help me come out of it.

Thanks.

#

Hello,

Welcome back to icliniq.com.Remember that anyone can have bad mood for this shorter duration, depression is something longer than this period. It takes almost two weeks to one month of similar mood with no interest in activities to vanish. Diagnosis of deppression does not take hours of bad mood.As you come out of this feeling after struggling of two hours. I appreciate it. You are at better place to deal with your feelings. Further, practice positive thoughts just immediately after you start experiencing negative thoughts. This will become automatic in your mind after some practice.

Regards.


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