What could be the reason for getting upset over small things?

Hi doctor,

I talk alone, make loud noises, and think that someone is following me. My partner works in a different place, but my mind still thinks he is working in my nearby street. I think everywhere I go he is there. We have not met in real life. I do not look good, I want him not to find me in this ugly look. I think he will leave me if he gets to see my ugly face in real life.

I had a past relationship, where my partner left me all of a sudden, and I was crying every day and was not talking to anyone. I was in my room, which I made even darker. I was waiting for him to come back. I was attached to him due to my family issues, as he was my only support. My father is a drunkard and has never shown love for me. I lost my mother recently, who was the only person who loved me, and she was the one who was helping me - she bathed me, fed me, and cuddled me. She committed suicide in front of me, which was very depressing.

This new partner I now have is the first boy I am in love with after five years of waiting. I had crushes before that, but they used me and left because I was ugly. I was bullied in school. I even had suicidal thoughts, and still do. I do things like self-harming to get out of my depression, and that makes me feel better. I used to throw things like glasses and bowls. As they shatter, I feel an inner peace within me. I am also abused by my father, my grandmother, and my aunts verbally. They blame me as the reason for my mother's death and treat me badly.

My partner was the only place where I used to find happiness, and suddenly he also changed; he stopped calling me and became attached. I think he does not love me despite his assurance that he will never let me leave him. However, I still have trust issues. Even the people around me in my village mock me and treat me badly. I have no one, and I feel I am worthless. I even try hiding from strangers and avoid thinking about some people. I even wanted to kill those who did me bad. I have severe panic attacks whenever my partner shouts at me, calls me names, and leaves me all alone. I always try to do everything to make him stay. I always check if I have sent him an image unknowingly. Even if I send him a picture, I edit it and send it to him. I strongly believe he has heard something bad about me, which is why he is staying away from me. I overthink, and make things worse. These days I feel like begging him to talk. He said he had some money issues, which is why he was behaving like that, and that he was not there to listen to my worries. I felt lonely and did not even want to wake up from bed. I keep forgetting things, like the rice that I had left on the gas stove to cook, it was burning and on fire. It has been days since I have cleaned my house. I feel lazy and do not feel like talking to anyone. I also feel like my phone is ringing, and jump to my phone when I hear a small notification.

What kind of disorder is this? I get upset and sad over little things and always cry. Please help.

Thank you.