Hello doctor,
I am forgetting what I read a week before. The brain does not listen if other person speaks, or anything that requires moderate attention like a difficult lesson or an English movie or very new issues and tries to skip it. Due to this problem, I need to read the books, again and again, to get familiar to talk in public or practice it. Even if I practice many times, after some weeks, I cannot recollect what I read exactly. Due to this problem, I am unable to crack PG entrance. I feel ashamed. Even though I am a student of English medium, I fear to talk and search for words while talking. I tried to learn good fluent English, but I am unsuccessful. Is this dyslexia with combined neurasthenia too? I used to score 95 % but after this problem started, I am just able to stick to 60 % and I am unable to digest very low academic growth. There seems to be no treatment in allopathy for this.
I feel back muscles ache and when I do some physical work, I feel full body ache. Even without any work, I feel back muscles ache. I sleep more. I am able to work more at night times than early in the morning. I wake up at around 8 to 8.30 AM whether I sleep at 9:00 PM or 2:00 AM. I try a lot. One should be able to wake up after six to eight hours of sleep and feel satisfied, but for me, it is not true. My polysomnogram was normal. More the mental work, I sleep more. For example, if I study for a few hours, I may need to sleep for 12 to 16 hours.
While studying, I go to sleep. But while doing other works, I do not sleep automatically. Due to sleep, I have lesser time than others. In this time, I am facing difficulty to manage myself, wife, home, job, next level studies, business issues, outside problems, etc. I am very easily tired with mental work than physical work.
I am ruled out for depression as my problems or most of the symptoms are starting only if I start reading (memory) or physical activity. Else, I feel somewhat alright. I got these three problems when I was 18 years old and these symptoms were not given attention by my parents. Later, I went to hospitals but no proper treatment was given and I am trying to cope with them. But these dominate my self-confidence regularly.
I have taken just one dose of Lycopodium 200, Baryta Carbonica 200 with one week gap. After taking Baryta, I have some discomfort and hence stopped. I tried Kaliphos few years ago and felt the symptoms aggravated and stopped using it. I have shown to doctors (psychiatry also) and they are unable to come to a specific diagnosis and said I am normal. My hemogram, CT, MRI, thyroid profile, and polysomnogram are normal. No alcohol or smoking or any other habits.
Below, I am mentioning a summary of my mind and behavior to conclude what type of homeopathy medication personality I am:
- I fear to take change. For example, if I am doing a job, when any better job opportunity comes by, I fear to apply for change or travel. Hence, I am losing ways to improve in my field.
- I fear to talk in public.
- I fear when I see from the second or third floor of the building to down.
- I fear to tell lies. Many people easily tell lies and survive. For me even if it is mandatory, I feel difficult to lie.
- I am afraid of money matters. I will leave my money due to modest/bashful/hesitation problem. In this way, I am losing money.
- I cannot defend myself even though I know I am correct or right. I cannot convince others to accept what and why I did something. I just stand silently before them as if I did a mistake.
- I cannot convey properly what is in my mind and it comes out in a different way. Hence, even if I do better work than others, I am not focused enough to sell the idea.
- I hide my sad feelings inside.
- I cannot praise myself in front of others even if I did a good job where many people praise themselves even for a small work.
- Tears come while watching sentimental scenes in TV shows or movies. But I do not cry in real life easily. May be in childhood I cried, and later learned not to cry.
- I think more about other's feelings and care about them. I compromise myself. If my wife asks me for a huge sum of money, I give the money, even if I do not want to. But, when it comes spending even a small amount on myself I just let go even if it is something important.
- I change easily to other's feelings or moods or other's mentality. I lose my identity in the process sometimes and think later that I am changing and try to come back.
- I feel that I am having a struggle with my mind to keep it in track. An example is, I trained my mind not to eat rice (carbs) at night times. But, if I see people eating at night, I start eating (I adoptto their behavior).
- I am not rigid with my character or feelings.
- I think about money, but when I get money, I feel I do not care about it. This might make some people around me feel that I am stingy and a miser but the fact is I am not.
- People think differently and talk outside as if everything is normal. I tried to follow it but I am unsuccessful. Because to please somebody or to be happy, one should pretend or change to talking situations.
- Also, I put on weight easily. I stopped eating rice at night times. Just eating half of what other people eat for my age. My father is obese and may be I got those genes. Due to strict food control, I now weigh 68 kg which is near normal to my height.
- I cannot utilize the situation due to my above-mentioned symptoms like fear of change, afraid in money matters, cannot defend, convey my message well, etc.
- I sweat more. I feel intolerant to heat. I cannot sleep without a blanket.
- I feel irritable if work does not happen in time. I get normal if someone consoles me (with jokes) or by myself after some time. But never fire easily on others. I hide my true self.
- I do not get headache, vomiting or have indigestion problem.
- I might be polite if in someone's mind I am less than them. But when I reach to the feeling of a good person in their mind, I try to not be polite or good but will be polite only but think that way.
- I curse myself if somebody undergoes some suffering due to my mistakes. I have gone to that road (accident situation) or been late, etc. If someone accidentally hits my bike, I am afraid to ask them why they came in the wrong direction and ask for compensation.
- I am not interested to go outside for evening walks. No strong feelings for a particular activity. I do for a few days and stop. Not maintaining daily habit.
- I am a workaholic and I do not like postponing. I get angry if someone postpones the work.
- I have some child-like mentality. Helping nature.
- In my feeling revenge on any issue/problem is to give answer with success. But due to these above behavioral problems and symptoms, I am having low academic, personal, professional and social functioning.
I strongly believe that homeopathy can treat mental and emotional symptoms better than any medicine and hence I mentioned the three symptoms due to which I am unable to lead a peaceful life. According to my mentality, what medicines suit me? According to my disease/symptoms, what medicines will help? Kindly help me out.