Dr. Anjali Viswanath
Psychiatry
The following is an actual conversation between an iCliniq user and a doctor that has been reviewed and published as a Premium Q&A.
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Patient's Query
Hello doctor,
I am a 37-year-old, IT professional, married for eight years, and have a kid too. I am not sure if I did really be able to convey the feeling I am going through, or even if I should share this issue with anyone. But somehow managed to convince me to open out about the problem with a doctor. I have a caring wife and a lovely kid and I've been leading a happily married life till now. I do not keep any secrets from my wife except for the sexual fantasies that I have or the occasional adult content that I watch on the internet. And I was not feeling guilty over this since I thought it was natural and common for men and women to indulge in such things. During the Covid lockdown, out of boredom, I started chatting with some anonymous friends in a chat app. This developed into a habit and I used to chat with them frequently as it was a good means to kill time and to relieve my work stress. Gradually we started to discuss our sexual life and got into details about our intimacy in our marriage. All this felt quite normal to me since we were anonymous to each other and will never come to know who the other person is. The discussions used to get heated up sometimes and I ended up sharing a few intimate pics of my wife (not with her face or identity revealed). This happened in one or two instances and I immediately felt extremely guilty over this act. I then deleted all the chat history and never went back to using the app again. I do not know what I was thinking when I did that. Now this guilt is hurting me a lot and this thought comes up again and again. I feel I did a big mistake with my wife. I am sure the pics were permanently deleted and will never be misused by anyone. Still, inside my heart, I feel shameful for this act of mine. I also thought of revealing this to my wife but I have no clue how she will react. I fear that my marriage will be shattered if I open up about this to her. I am not a religious person too, so I can not even repent over this. I have kind of lost my peace of mind and I have sleepless nights thinking about this. How do I deal with my guilt? Is it human to make such mistakes and get over them? I would be grateful if you can give me your valuable suggestion to overcome this situation.
Hello,
Welcome to icliniq.com.
I read your query and understand your concern. Thank you for opening up about your situation. It takes courage to share something like this, and it is important to address your feelings of guilt and shame. Firstly, it is essential to recognize that it is natural to have sexual fantasies and desires. However, sharing intimate pictures of your wife without her consent is a violation of her privacy and trust. It is crucial to acknowledge and take responsibility for your actions. One way to start dealing with your guilt is to apologize to your wife and ask for her forgiveness. Be honest about what happened and take responsibility for your actions. It may be difficult, but it is essential to be open and transparent with her. It is important to remember that your wife may have her own feelings and emotions about this situation, and it is vital to respect her response. Give her the space she needs to process her thoughts and feelings. If you are worried about how to approach this conversation, consider seeking the help of a therapist. A therapist can help you navigate this difficult conversation, provide you with coping strategies, and work with you to rebuild trust in your relationship. Lastly, it is essential to work on rebuilding trust with your wife. This means being honest and transparent with her, avoiding any behavior that could lead to further breaches of trust, and being patient and understanding as she processes her emotions. Remember that it is human to make mistakes, but it is how we take responsibility for those mistakes and work to make things right that define our character. I hope I have cleared all your doubts.
Thank you.
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Psychiatry
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