HomeAnswersPsychiatrygriefI lost my dad when I was 16 years old, and I am not able to overcome that pain. Please help.

How can an 18-year-old overcome the grief of losing his father and lead a normal life?

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The following is an actual conversation between an iCliniq user and a doctor that has been reviewed and published as a Premium Q&A.

Answered by

Dr. Saurav Kumar

Medically reviewed by

iCliniq medical review team

Published At March 7, 2023
Reviewed AtMarch 7, 2023

Patient's Query

Hello doctor,

My dad had COPD. He was in stage 4 when I was 16 years old, and my mother and I took care of him to the best we could until he passed. I knew it would happen, and I thought I was preparing myself at the time, so I would not be sad. Now I am 18 years old. I see the world very differently than I did back then. I started seeing some changes in myself around six months after what happened. I do not think there has been a single day that has gone by. I have not cried, and it only gets worse. I am severely isolated from everyone. I have no one to talk to besides my boyfriend, but I do not talk to him about my issues anymore. I miss my dad. It was not like this when he was here. I have flashbacks every day of when I woke up and saw him lying there with no life in his eyes. I went to touch him, and it was just cold and hard. I think about this every day, even when I do not want to, and it hurts me. I also have some family issues, and I feel low and sad because of that. I want to be happy. I want to be normal. Please help me.

Thank you.

Answered by Dr. Saurav Kumar

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I read your query and understand your concern.

What you are going through is unresolved grief about your father and difficulty in positioning an ideal figure who your father abandoned in your life. You have been unable to vent your emotions completely, so you are experiencing depressive symptoms. It has not gone to amounting to depression, but I can tell you that you have dysthymia. Therefore, you cannot change others around the world. Still, if it negatively impacts you, you can learn how to deal with it and develop some changes within yourself, which will help you overcome even more difficult situations. Leaving your home and shifting with your boyfriend is just avoiding and running away from the situation, and when are you going to do it? It might help you to get over this situation, but you are just 18, and you have a lot of life left for you. When are you going to avoid the situation? Instead, I think you should permanently find a solution to it. Do not worry too much; you are not suffering from a major disorder, so try to be calm. I know it is difficult, but you will have to work on yourself to get a better life because the only thing you can change is yourself and not the world around you so I would highly suggest you go for cognitive behavioral therapy, which will help you to vent out and modify your behavior.

Thank you.

Same symptoms don't mean you have the same problem. Consult a doctor now!

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Dr. Saurav Kumar

Psychiatry

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