Why does my partner keep comparing me with other people?

Question

Hello doctor,

I am in a relationship with a man who is 13 years older than me. We met each other at work during an exhibition. We had great dates, but I am having doubts. He constantly makes comparisons about his ex, and he asked me to split the bill. I told him that what happened in the past should remain there.

As for the money, he is quite picky. As we are in a long-distance relationship, he keeps going back and forth, and he even said that it costs him money. I offered to see each other every two weeks, but then one week, he missed me so much that he drove for three hours to see me. We spent Christmas separately, and I made him a lot of gifts. He bought me a giant peluche for my birthday. I was shocked, honestly. I did not like giant toys, to be honest.

Please help.

Thank you.

Answer 1

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I can understand your concern.

As per your mentioned history and details, I think he was undergoing some unresolved trauma secondary to his last breakup. You need to understand what he is going through and why he is behaving like that.

You need to listen to him about his past and incidents. He is older than you, so his thinking is different from yours regarding money and love expression. Usually, a person with experience deals with people, and that is why he or she behaves like that.

In your case, there may be a money problem with him in the last relationship. Maybe his ex-girlfriend was demanding or something like that, and that is why he does such things. And, on Christmas, he gave you a gift that you did not like, then you need to tell him when he is in a good mood. Do not say immediately that you did not like.

Usually, gifts we do not choose are given by friends, so we need to understand what they thought you would like. So you need to make him understand that you did not like such things. And what are the likes and dislikes you need to discuss with him? You need to consult a psychologist and go for couples counseling for a better understanding.

I hope this information will help you.

Kindly follow up if you have any further concerns.

Thank you.