Q. How can someone with a history of physical or emotional abuse cope with sleeping disorders and PCOD?

Hi doctor,

My mother has had schizophrenia since I was nine, and there has been a history of physical and emotional abuse. It sort of emotionally affected me a lot, and I tried to get help by telling my father when I was 12 years, but he did not take me seriously, and he is a workaholic. I had trouble managing friendships because I was very irritable and sensitive and would have outbursts over little things. I was quite in control of my life and was very driven when it came to academics, but slowly I started feeling exhausted and started sleeping around 12 to 14 hours and would feel tired even then. I became more introverted and started shutting people out emotionally when everyone called me sensitive and dramatic. I even had this weird period of anxiety which was quite noticeable to my parents, and I cried myself to sleep at night. I even got suicidal thoughts, but I never harmed myself. Fast forward to last year, I was 18, and both my paternal and maternal grandfathers passed away. It affected me greatly, but I tried to write and practice self-love, and things got better.

I managed to control my life and my mother's schizophrenia by secretly putting her medicine in her tea, and friendships started improving, too, and I finally felt happy. I am 18 years and two years from college, and though everything is fine in my life, my mother is doing well. However, I somehow feel I am slipping back into my old ways. I was also diagnosed with PCOS recently, and I was quite motivated to lose weight and get a hold of my life. Still, I cannot seem to get around to following my diet and exercise regime, and my grades have started slipping. Quite recently, I have been very irritable and dull. I want to scream and shout at everyone who asks me what is wrong because I do not know what is wrong. I want to be left alone, and I feel like no matter how hard I try, my life will find ways to get worse, and eventually, I will not be able to keep fighting. I had gone back to sleep for 12 to 14 hours which irritated my parents because it was taking my mind off academics. Before, I used to write a lot. I even had a blog, and I used to have a creative impulse every other day, or I would write how I felt, but these days I am unable to do any of that.

What is wrong with me?

Is it just normal for a teenager?

How do I cope?

Kindly reply.