How to be happy all over the day despite hurting oneself?

Question

Hello doctor,

I am a 19-year-old girl. In my first year in school, I feel helpless and depressed because I cannot make friends, more specifically they do not like spending time with me because I am serious most of the time. And my way of thinking is different also I cannot focus on studies. I do give my best to succeed in the exams but still, I m feeling like it is not me, or it is not what I want to do. But I am not sure those are just thoughts that makes me all the time unfocused on what is necessary at the moment , I also suffer from a lack of confidence in myself and cannot say that my situation is the worse but all these 19 years I only learned to hate and hurt myself more than anyone can else do to me. I am scared of taking any wrong decision because I cannot afford it either mentally or financially. Please, can you help me? Going to a psychiatrist in my place is expensive and suspicious. I was a great person until nine years, everything has changed. I struggled alone till 16 which made me talk to some friends and my brother and my secret fiancé. Still, I think it is too late because I became a person who is afraid of being happy for more than half a day. Thank you.

Answer 1

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

First of all, you should stop hating yourself and stop blaming yourself for anything. The symptoms like helplessness, worthlessness (hating self), difficulty in making friends, weak confidence, lack of focus, indecisiveness, etc., are occurring most likely due to some mood disorder. This could be depression. Depression results in impairment in functioning. To come out of these thoughts, there are two treatment options. Medicines especially antidepressants are the first choice for these symptoms. But since you cannot afford to visit a psychiatrist so this option at this point is not possible. Another option is cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). This is a session based therapy. A therapist is needed, and this helps a lot in coming out of depression. Over the years since childhood, a person learns wrong things, but these thoughts become cognitive distortions like for example if you did not perform well in a group of friends, then you will imply this to your whole life that you are worthless because you fail to perform well in friends. Maximizing negative things, minimizing the positive things, disqualifying positives, generalizing things, etc. are examples of cognitive distortions. In CBT the cognitive distortions are identified, and an individual is made aware of these distortions. Then therapist and individual work together to eliminate these distortions and to work how an individual can live happily. Thank you.