Why do I blame myself for ulcerative colitis flares?

Question

Hello doctor,

I am a 28-year-old woman with ulcerative colitis, and every flare-up leaves me feeling as though I have somehow failed myself. During these periods, I often cancel plans, miss work, and withdraw socially because I do not want to be seen as a burden or a "difficult" person.

Although I understand logically that I did not choose to have this disease and that flare-ups are part of the condition, I still find myself blaming myself whenever my symptoms worsen. The emotional impact of feeling responsible for something I cannot fully control has become almost as difficult as the physical symptoms.

How can I stop feeling guilty about ulcerative colitis flares at my age?
Is this a common experience among people living with ulcerative colitis?
And are there healthy ways to cope with these feelings of guilt and self-blame?

Please help.

Thank you.

Answer 1

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I have read your query and can understand your concern.

Ulcerative colitis is a chronic inflammatory condition. Even when a person follows treatment recommendations carefully, maintains a healthy lifestyle, and makes appropriate dietary choices, flare-ups can still occur.

Because of this, the frustration, disappointment, and emotional exhaustion you are experiencing are completely understandable and are commonly reported by people living with chronic illnesses.

It may help to distinguish between the aspects of the disease that are within your control and those that are not. Factors such as taking medications regularly, maintaining a balanced diet, exercising appropriately, getting adequate sleep, and attending follow-up appointments are within your control.

However, the occurrence of a flare-up is not always preventable, even when these measures are followed consistently. For this reason, blaming yourself for a relapse is neither fair nor helpful. In fact, excessive self-criticism and stress may further worsen emotional well-being and can sometimes aggravate symptoms.

Guilt and withdrawing won't help the flare putting that energy toward managing symptoms and figuring out what triggered it will.

Needing rest, cancelling plans, or asking for help during a flare isn't failure. It's just what living with a chronic condition looks like sometimes.

Feeling guilty or like a burden is something a lot of people with ulcerative colitis deal with. Techniques such as mindfulness, relaxation exercises, meditation, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT, a structured, goal-oriented form of psychotherapy), and stress-management strategies can be very helpful. In some cases, treatment for anxiety or depression may also be considered if symptoms are significant.

I hope this answers your query.

Please let me know if I can assist you further.

Thank you.