Please help me approach my husband for reunion.

Hi doctor,

I have lots of stress and I want to curtail my stress. I got married and lived happily. After four months of love life, I got pregnant. Since that day my mother-in-law changed her behavior with me as well as due to family members instruction my husband started giving space to me. He started watching porn clips at the night time. I almost felt like suffocation to spend my whole day in all household work and the rest of my time in temple with my mother-in-law as per her wish. One day in frustration he told me that he is neither interested in me nor my baby. His words hurt me a lot. But, still I tried to convince myself. But within a few days, when his mother told me that I have to get up early in the morning at 5 to wash the clothes; I did not cooperate. Then, my husband told me that I have to find the solution and they were unable to cope with me. I felt like no one is thinking about my pregnancy as well as my health. So, I decided to go to my parent’s home and left my husband without any information. When I reached my home, I realized that my mother is unwell. Within just two or three days when we visited a doctor we came to know that it was cancer. I was unable to discuss my feelings with her. Meanwhile my husband and mother-in-law tried a lot for my come back. But, I never gave response to them, not even a phone call. After one month, we met a cancer specialist and he told us he could only pray about results as it was third stage. We were in huge tension. My husband came there and told me to come back. However, the next day after a long phone conversation he said either come back or give divorce. This hurt me a lot as I was 5 months pregnant. Then, till my delivery no one from my husband’s family contacted me. I gave birth to a baby boy, but due to some complications doctor made it a Cesarean operation. Immediately they shifted my baby to NICU. I was not able to breastfeed him, but sent my milk to him for five days. On the seventh day he got serious as he had suffocation problem and done ECG. Then I informed the issue to my husband, but unfortunately we lost our baby the same day. Since that day he messaged me to come back, but I was not in a state to reply. Nearly after seven months, I met and got to know he too frustrated, weak and thought he is also suffering from emotional turmoil. Since that day I am trying to convince him for reunion, but he is denying. Then we met in court for mutual divorce. As he did not clarify the reason for divorce we were advised to meet counselor. Counselor said we have only communication problem and suffering from baby’s thoughts. Due to my mom’s health, I did not meet him again. Sadly, I lost my mom before six months. Now, I came to know that my mother-in-law too passed away before five months. Now, his father asked me for divorce as he wishes to see his son’s second marriage, but my husband denied this. I want to continue this relationship as I love my husband. He always submits me the same answer that whenever he sees me he remembers all the painful memories and so he is unable to live with me. Recently, he said that he does not wish to have our baby back and do not want any relationship with me. Since that day I am suffering a lot through emotional turmoil. I am missing my baby, my mother and my husband. It is very hard for me to handle my mood swing. I never had any quarrel with my in-laws or with husband. Though I am facing this situation and it hurts. Today, I am suffering so much and I had some milk like nipple discharge. Please guide me.

Hi doctor,

I am really thinking a lot about all the words which you gave me as an answer to my query. I really do not know how to tell you, but as I already mentioned I do not want to break my marriage. But, the main thing is I am unable to express my words on the phone through communication. We both mostly express our thoughts only by text message. Whenever I am thinking to talk to him I remember his past words which hurt me. And the most important thing is that he said that he expressed all those sentences as a joke and he is never serious about any of this. Recently also in front of all family members, he told them that I am taking things always very seriously. Deep down in my heart, I feel that I am having lots of love for him. Also, I do not wish to hear any harsh words or hurt him by my words. And that is the reason maybe I prefer silence. As a couple, I am having only those wonderful memories with me when just silence was there between us and we were so happy by the unspoken words. I know that I have to tell him, what I am going through. But, whenever we meet in person mostly we both choose the step to become silent. No one from our family is talking to each other. Neither my husband nor me trying to call each other or file a divorce.

I think he loves me more than I love him, but I am unable to trust my thoughts. Sometimes I feel like I am making a fool of myself. For two years we both are unknown to each other's life. I do not want to tell his family members that I left that home because of my husband's words. I am unable to listen if someone blames him for any reason. He says that he will not forgive me as well as not forgive himself for whatever happened related to our son. When I am unable to control my emotions related to our child, I told him that I want him back in my life as my husband. Since that day, he is maintaining silence. I am unable to understand what kind of sadness and pain is this. Sometimes, I feel like maybe in the last two years he entered into a live-in relationship and so he did not feel a need for a divorce or second marriage. I am not sure about anything, but it is just a thought which is giving me trouble.

Even in our recent meetings, he asked me why you left me. No matter how many efforts you may do, I will have the same answer again and again. After the loss of our baby, when we met first time after seven months, he told me that he had lost the conscience when he knew that I left home. He thought about how such a girl who loves him a lot can leave him suddenly. When we met in court for mutual divorce, he told someone from my side that she told me three beautiful words and left me without informing me. Even now he tells my aunt that he does not wish to ruin my life. He says that he is unable to provide me with life with much comfort and happiness. He says it is not possible for me to accommodate his lifestyle. And I question myself, does he truly love me? Now also I am thinking more about his emotions rather than about maintenance and he on the other side is talking about out-of-court settlement. I am fed up. Please help.

Hi doctor,

I sent a message to my husband as I am not feeling well. Actually, after two to three days my emotional level is very much increased by thinking about him and the baby. I lost too much weight and today I feel so weak. I have consulted a doctor regarding this and he said if they are able to discuss with you about few things then it will be helpful for me as a solution. As per their suggestion because of emotional turmoil and remote memories, I am facing this. I am feeling suffocated, and heavy, and have a low BP. Literally saying that I am feeling very low and absolutely no wish to have food. His single message or hope to get back makes me smile. And these replies make me frustrated. My brother and dad are so much disturbed because of me. I cried a lot, and do not have a wish to do anything to convince him. I thought that he is not able to understand my thoughts regarding the baby. I do not know where I fail. I did not reply to him. This is badly affecting my health. I have done TSH, T3, T4, and prolactin tests. Whenever I see a baby on the street, it hurts me a lot.

Please help.

Hi doctor,

I am with mixed emotions now. When I messaged him formally he replied immediately. I felt happy that he replied as well as felt sad as he did not enquire anything about my health. Shall I send your answers to him through a message? I do not like to waste my time by sending hi and hello every day, as I already wasted two years of my life. Though he did not tell anything, I feel that each and every second of my life the way I miss him, he also misses me. Desperately, I think that I should get a baby instantly. I really do not want anything else from life other than my husband’s love and my baby. My mom's best friend acts like a mediator between me and him. In fact, she took me to their home and also spoke with my father-in-law. My father-in-law said that if I wish I can come to their immediately and this sentence was told by him in the presence of my husband. To one of my friends, my husband told me that if I had touched my father-in-law's feet at that time then things could have been sorted out well. He is not picking up calls from any of my friends. But, he receives a call from my aunt. What to do further?

Hi doctor,

First of all, thank you for giving some nice feedback to my sister. However, day by day, her emotions are getting elevated. Her reports are normal. We met a gynecologist, who told her that it is very essential to control the thought system, otherwise, she would need to consult a psychologist regarding hormones.

When she gets high on emotions, she absolutely cries and sits in a room with thoughts about relationships. but one thing I have observed is that she is either thinking about him as a poor guy who has missed so many emotions of his life (when she did not reply to his series of calls and messages as he had done more than 250 messages in the past after the loss of baby asking only when will you come) and or as a person who is just letting the time go away.

Seriously she is in big trauma right now. As we all were caught up in a bad situation regarding mom’s health, all of us including our sister absolutely gave all our attention to mom and missed connecting with him. Day by day, my sister has mood swings and she is not able to take a clear decision about her relationship. Both my dad and his father-in-law are short-tempered. however, his sister makes a comparison between him and herself and says he is sometimes just like her. His messages looks like either he is making a fool of himself or just a guy who does not care about her.

Whatever it is, no one is getting a valid answer. All are making assumptions. However, my aunt wanted to ask you, when should we meet him. I think if we plan to meet him and he positively gives a green signal, then I would like to ask him to make a direct communication to you even in front of us. Or a small try.

What matters with sister, she gets caught up with memories, and each day she thinks about lots of incidents from the past, she reminds herself about those incidents and then smiles. Primarily she sometimes, doubting on his motives. However, before marriage, he skeptically avoided discussion about his family. He was more discussing himself and after marriage, he is just saying whatever it is, it is as per his family.

She is now blaming us, as we are not doing anything for her. When I say we are following a certain doctor, she is just hiding her emotions. her emotions are troubling her too much.

She is tired of everything. Everywhere she sees advice and thoughts but she is reaching nowhere. Yes, she is not taking a firm decision, like not sending a notice or visiting his home and asking questions straight in his face. In the last meeting, she was just silent listening to everything and saying nothing. And her attitude makes her reach positively and with respect. in her in-law's home, she found there was no respect shown to her or her family or her life.

Now there is absolutely no one to listen to her thoughts including him. And she is reckless with her lifestyle, she just wants him. However, she does not know how and when. Everyone says time is going on and you are still there standing alone. And somewhere she believes that he is having the same step as her, standing with the past.

What do you think about initiating communication with him regarding meeting him with his family? Actually, now she is "out of patience". I am jobless and unmarried, so am having worries. She tries to talk to me but is unable to understand. Dad has his pension work going on so he is having some restlessness sometimes. And about her, she is just thinking about the baby and her hormones are doing their work. She is saying me to do something either to call or meet him regarding her health or simply get divorced. And when I ask what will happen after divorce will you be able to stop your feelings? She has no answer.

Hi doctor,

Thank you for such a fast reply.

Yesterday morning, when she sent him a good morning message, he did not get a reply to it. However suddenly in the evening, she got a reply from him and then a series of talks. I found that as she was thinking about his replies she is more relaxed and thinking about him. However, she says his replies hurt her.