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Q. My wife does not lubricate during sex. What can we do?

 

Hello doctor,

I am a 28 year old male, who is married from the last 14 months. My wife did not have prior sex education. She does not get lubricated during sex at all. So, we are unable to have sexual intercourse. She gets severe pain if I try to stimulate her with my fingers. However, she is comfortable with the penis. We have a lot of foreplay. She gets aroused, but there is no lubrication. We use a lubricant gel whenever we have sex, but even then, I am not able to penetrate her. We are having trouble doing it even in the missionary position. She is unable to spread her legs. So, we have to do it with her legs down. The penetration is not enough in this position. Whenever I try to have sex by spreading her legs, her vagina contracts, and we have failed to do it even after repeated attempts. This is causing me to feel frustrated, and of late, I do not have strong erections. I have decent erections during masturbation but not during sex. I have attached the results of both our fertility tests. Please help.

 

Dr.Purushottam Sah
MBBS., DGO
Andrology, Infertility, Obstetrics And Gynaecology, Sexology

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

  • The issue seems to be anxiety. Both your reports are normal (attachment removed to protect patient identity). However, get both of your blood prolactin tested.
  • If she cannot tolerate your finger but is comfortable with the penis, ensure your fingernails are not hurting her. Getting aroused without any lubrication is normal for even up to three or four years after marriage.
  • Ask her what interests her sexually. If she agrees, try oral sex before vaginal sex. Change the position to her on top or her on knees and enter the vagina from the back.

For more information consult a sexologist online --> https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/sexologist

 

Hello doctor,

Thanks for replying. I do no think the nails are hurting her. The issue is she does not like to be fingered at all. She cannot even put her own finger or masturbate. Also, she does not like having oral sex. I have tried that so many times, but she is too sensitive down there. And about changing position, we have tried few other positions, but we were not successful because her vagina contracts when I try to penetrate. How can we reduce anxiety? I had consulted a sexologist earlier and was told that she might have vaginismus, and can be treated only through therapy.

 

Dr.Purushottam Sah
MBBS., DGO
Andrology, Infertility, Obstetrics And Gynaecology, Sexology

Hello,

Welcome back to icliniq.com.

  • In that case, she needs counseling and relaxation therapy. It is beyond the scope of discussion here. You should see a therapist, not a psychiatrist.

For further queries consult a sexologist online --> https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/sexologist

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