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Q. My husband and I are in a sexless relationship. Please help.

Answered by
Dr. Shahil Khant
and medically reviewed by iCliniq medical review team.
This is a premium question & answer published on Sep 06, 2017 and last reviewed on: Oct 09, 2018

Hello doctor,

I have been married for almost three years now. My husband and I have not consummated our marriage. There is no intimacy and physical relationship in our marriage. Ours is a love marriage. But now, I am getting frustrated with our condition. From what I understand, my husband has a very low sexual desire and upon my extreme insistence, he tries to get physical but, the penetration does not happen at all. I want to make my marriage work but, we try to have sex only once a month and the penetration never happens. This gets my husband disappointed and he then says we have to try again next month. This once-a-month attitude frustrates me. Please help.



Welcome to

Relax and do not worry. Your husband may just require some basic blood tests.

  • How hard is the erection if you had to rate it on a scale of 1 to 10. Does ejaculation ever happen?
  • It is very important for you to understand the problem. Do not pressurize him as it will only deteriorate the situation.
  • You must first convince him to consult a doctor. It may be true that he is aware there is a problem but, not able to talk to you or consult a doctor because of a fear.
  • The best thing you can do now is to talk to him about how you feel, what you want, and if possible ask him to consult a urologist for tests.
  • Even if you do want to part ways with him, there is no guarantee that your future partner will be perfectly healthy.
  • Some tests I would suggest are:
  1. Serum testosterone
  2. Serum FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone). 
  3. Serum LH (luteinizing hormone).
  4. Serum prolactin
  5. Thyroid profile.

All the above tests are to be done at 8 AM in the morning.

For further queries consult a urologist online -->

Hello doctor,

Thank you for your response. I have spoken to my husband about this many times. That is when I could conclude that the problem is not with me but with him. I have not pressurized him till date because I do understand that it can worsen the situation. That is the reason I have waited this long. But, I felt that waiting endlessly without finding a solution to this problem does not make any sense and a medical intervention is necessary. Erection varies between five to nine. Sometimes, it is fully erect but, at the time of penetration, he loses it. He always has an ejaculation.



Welcome back to

  • Firstly, both of you require sexual counseling.
  • In my opinion, you should sit down and try to explain your feelings clearly, how you feel about sex and what you expect from him.
  • You should clearly mention to him that you are not happy with your sexual life and that you want him to find a way out. I think he will understand this and will also contribute.
  • If he does not want to help himself, then nobody can help him. If he does not listen to you and does not want to understand at all, then it is very unfortunate.

All the best.

For more information consult a urologist online -->

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