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How to cope with mental stress caused by a feeling of ruining other's life?

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The following is an actual conversation between an iCliniq user and a doctor that has been reviewed and published as a Premium Q&A.

Medically reviewed by

iCliniq medical review team

Published At October 19, 2022
Reviewed AtOctober 6, 2023

Patient's Query

Hello doctor,

Four years back, I was in a relationship with a girl for one and a half years. We were in a physical relationship that was not sexual. One day, one of her family members noticed us when we were close. A few days later, my girlfriend married another guy, stating that her mother had cancer. It has been a year since she has been married. The person that she has married is seven to eight years older than her and is not well settled. Yesterday, I met her, and she told me that her uncle had seen us on the day we got close and informed about this to her family. There was a big issue at her home. To prove to her family that there was nothing between us, she said okay to marriage with an undeserving person. Also, I told her that I could not give her a commitment to marriage at that time as I was young. Now, I cannot handle myself for having ruined someone else's life. I cannot forgive myself. I felt that I was a motivator for others, but now I feel that I am a cheater guy who is worse than anyone else. Kindly help me manage this mental crisis.

Thank you.

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I understand your concern.

Stop blaming yourself for someone else's mistake. You were young at that time, but at the same time, your girlfriend was also of your age. Both of you were not in a sexual relationship; however, her uncle made an issue about it. It was her decision to get married. She projected it to the ill health of her mother or her family situations. If her decision went wrong, then that is not your fault. You did not ruin her life. She is not happy with her marriage, which is why you feel bad. I suggest you stop contacting her as it will cause problems for both of you. Instead, focus on your life.

I hope this helps.

Thank you.

Same symptoms don't mean you have the same problem. Consult a doctor now!

Dr. Seikhoo Bishnui
Dr. Seikhoo Bishnui

Psychiatry

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