Dr. K. V. Anand
Psychiatry
The following is an actual conversation between an iCliniq user and a doctor that has been reviewed and published as a Premium Q&A.
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Patient's Query
Hi doctor,
I have completed my MBA and currently searching for a job. I am in a relationship for nearly eight years. At one point we were even living together . My mom does not approve the relationship and wants me to get married to a groom inside our caste. My father is no more. My boyfriend is paranoid that I will cheat him. This doubting and controlling have become too much for me. I could not handle it. But I do not want anyone else too. Because of the stress I have gained 33 pounds in one year and also got lots of acne on my face. Please help me.
Hi,
Welcome to icliniq.com.
I can understand your emotions. I can say that you are in utter confusion. I can perfectly understand your situation. In the given complex situation, taking a decision may be difficult for you. It is good that you approached professionals. Living with a paranoid person will be disastrous. You may want to do so and you may vow that you can adjust. That is blind love. In reality, your life with a paranoid person should be miserable, I can tell from my 20 years experience. Therefore, please, go with your mothers wish. Thank you.
Patient's Query
Hi doctor,
Yes, there are a lot of factors that you need to know too. When I got committed I did not inform him about my previous relationship. But, later when I told him he went to the extent of breaking up with me. Also, when I went to study my MBA and had to talk to a guy in my class regarding a group project he went to the extent of getting my call list and calling that guy. I even showed him the phone bill from the company. Everyone around me told him that it was just for studies, but he did not believe. It has been two years, but still he is not able to believe me. He thinks I had an affair with that guy. I am not able to concentrate on anything because of this. I did not study and I am not even searching for a job seriously because I am scared that he will doubt me there also. I know he loves me above all these. But, I do not know how to make him trust me. He is into bodybuilding, so he injects steroids for the past one year. He has a lot of mood swings and lately I feel that he does not have any concern for me. But, when I talk about leaving he says that he cannot live without me. He thinks that if a girl talks to a boy it is only for sex and nothing else. He says all his friends were cheated by their girlfriends and that girls are not to be trusted. Also, he is very much traditional and more strict in dressing. I know my mom will find a guy who is better than him, but I also know that I will not be happy with that guy. What am I supposed to do now? I am not looking to end this relationship. I want to mend this relationship. Please help.
Hi,
Welcome back to icliniq.com.
I am of the opinion that you should leave him and marry another person. I say this because I know the consequences. If you want to mend the relationship, fine. It is up to you. In fact, there is nothing to mend. Both love each other and want to live together. Only problem is your boyfriend's paranoid personality. He needs treatment. Treatment may change his attitude. I request you to consult a psychologist with him. Counseling to both of you together and then separately can yield good results. Your boyfriend may also need cognitive therapy. Please consult a psychologist online or in person.
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