Is it fine to watch pornographic content and masturbate even after marriage?

Hello doctor,

I am a 38 years old married man with a daughter. I have a corporate job. It took me a lot of thinking and courage to finally open up about the issue I am facing. I have never spoken about this, not even to my wife or close friends. To give a background, I was brought up in an upper-middle-class family along with my brother. I was given a good education and financially we were good enough too. My childhood was not so good since there used to be a lot of fights and arguments between my parents. Though I was active in my school I had very few friends as I feared that my family issues would be exposed if I make close friends. So I chose to remain isolated most of the time. I had developed a habit of reading books at the time and that was the best thing I could have done at that point of time. But once I completed my tenth grade I slowly started drifting towards adult magazines and videos online. Since then for the past 23 years or so I have regularly been using adult sites and have been masturbating too.

I have been happily married for nine years. I love my wife and kid. As I mentioned I had been continuing my habits even after my marriage. A few things my wife is aware of and she does not mind if I watch adult movies or masturbate once in a while. And this has never impacted our sex life too. Coming to the issue, there are a few things that I would not be able to reveal to my wife. I had recently been fantasizing a lot about other women and have also had fantasies like cuckolding and all. I have also developed a habit of chatting with anonymous friends online wherein I share the details about our sexual life and in one or two instances even shared a few intimate pictures with my wife (not revealing the face or identity). Now I have started feeling guilty about my deeds. Though I am not a very religious person, I respect moral values. My friends, family, and relatives adore me for being a nice and helpful person. All this makes me feel even more guilty. Till now I did not have any regrets about my habits, since they gave me great pleasure and relief, and I am not hurting anyone too. But now I have started feeling that I am leading a double life. And being a parent, also makes me question myself, my moral values, and parenting.

Is it normal for people of my age to have such habits and fantasies? Is it fine to continue without any regrets if I am not hurting anyone? Is it fine to keep secrets from my wife? Or do I need to get some help from a therapist? I would be very thankful if you can address my queries.

Thank you.

Hello doctor,

Thank you for your quick response.

I want to move on but I am feeling guilty about my deed. I love my family so much. I do not know what I was thinking when I did that. It happened probably in the heat of the moment. Is it possible for me to move on without revealing or apologizing to my wife? I am not sure how she will react if I tell this to her. I will never repeat this mistake in my life, but I am not sure if I can ever feel guilt-free. Though I am sure whatever details I had shared with does not reveal any kind of identity and will remain anonymous. This feeling of having cheated her is hurting me from the inside. I am not a religious person, so the idea of repentance is not there. How do I move on doctor? Your suggestion is of utmost importance to me.

Thank you.