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Can physical intimacy affect the emotional connection?

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The following is an actual conversation between an iCliniq user and a doctor that has been reviewed and published as a Premium Q&A.

Answered by

Dr. K. V. Anand

Medically reviewed by

iCliniq medical review team

Published At January 27, 2024
Reviewed AtFebruary 2, 2024

Patient's Query

Hello doctor,

I have had two previous relationships, and in both cases, I was let down by my partners. Despite my past experiences, I decided to go ahead with an arranged marriage as per my parents' wishes. I met a girl on a matrimonial site, and after getting to know her, I fell in love with her. Unfortunately, our parents discovered that we were from different castes (which the girl had kept hidden from me), and they called off the marriage. However, we chose to continue our relationship.

After three to four months, the girl disclosed, in an unavoidable situation, that she had been married before and had a child. I was devastated, but she helped me cope, and I found it difficult to let go because I had become deeply attached to her. Now, we spend every day together, and I cannot imagine life without her. I was willing to make compromises, but recently I learned that she is also involved with another man (though I am the primary one), and she has even accepted a marriage proposal from him while maintaining communication with him. Seeing all of this has left me feeling like I am in a terrible situation. I know I should leave her; I should have ended this relationship, but I am unable to do so. I am trying my best, but despite everything, I cannot stop loving her, and I believe she knows this too. I want to end the relationship, but I cannot. Please help me find a way to do it on my own because no one at home knows anything about this.

Thank you.

Answered by Dr. K. V. Anand

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

Thank you for your question. I understand your situation. You are already 29, and it seems you still view love primarily as an emotional connection. In the traditional sense, love is not necessarily deeply emotional. I believe what you are feeling towards your current girlfriend might be more accurately described as lust, and that is okay. Lust is primarily physical. After having a physical relationship a few times, that initial lust and your current infatuation may fade. True love, devoid of lust, endures indefinitely. It can exist without the need for physical intimacy, even if you are not living together or married. Love persists. You may choose to part ways with her, but your love can endure. You can lead a fulfilling life without her and still love her. I suspect that what you are experiencing is more related to lust. Consider exploring the physical aspect. Take care.

I hope your queries are resolved and any further queries are welcome. Thank you.

Same symptoms don't mean you have the same problem. Consult a doctor now!

Dr. K. V. Anand
Dr. K. V. Anand

Psychiatry

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