Q. Please explain my mental pressure in professional point of view.

Hi doctor,

I am not sure if I should be doing this, but I am worried. I really want to die. I have always considered it, but I have goals like seeing my books published. But, for the past few months, I have cared less for the books and more for how to die. I am trapped in school to study engineering when I am an artist. I hate school and studying engineering made it 200 times worse. Slowly, I started to lose myself. I would be so weak and tired. I would stay in bed for days and afraid to get up. Soon, I started playing how to die. I saw everything and wondered that how it could kill me. Then, I thought I needed help. I have always been afraid. I have had anxiety for years. Whenever I see a classroom; I go straight into a panic. After years, I have learnt to panic inside, scream in my head and smile even if I am crying. These days, all my hard work to make sure people cannot tell something is wrong seems to be going out the window. I scream for hours when my panic hits. Nowadays, I avoid people and so, they do not know that something is wrong. Also, I did not say anything to my parents yet. I know that no one will admit their madness, But, I was to make sure from a profession point of view. I need better mental exercises to keep it all in and be like everyone. Please give some idea.