Hi doctor,
I am 48 years old and taking care of my senior mother who is aged 90 years now. My father died nine years ago. I managed her house so she could live there with my sister. I drove there every two weeks and could not do it anymore due to many issues. My mother moved in here two years ago. A recent medical report showed that she still has good organ function, but she has spinal arthritis, atrial fibrillation, and bladder UTIs. Her mobility has decreased over the last few years since she cannot lose weight effectively. A few weeks ago, she was still running on a treadmill daily for 10 minutes. The untreated bladder infection with nitro treatment gave her extra fatigue and the whole routine went out the door. She sees a weekly physiotherapist as well. He gave her a friendly caution that if she loses her mobility, it would result in a cane, walker, wheelchair, bed immobility, etc. But for longer walks, she needs a cane and walker. My life has significantly changed in the last few years. Though single, I have a full-time job. She does only the minimum things in the household. I asked her to remain active. We have constant daily debates about her diet and minimum exercise. Today, I lost my anger by doing errands for her. She promised she would use the recumbent bike for a few minutes to help with the constipation. When I returned, she did not use it. This is just one example. I lost my temper. She deflects with comments, it is soon my time to go or throw me out. When I asked her if she could improve, she never responds positively. Another doctor already told her bluntly, she appears to be a bit selfish in her overall attitude in the manner she has dealt with me. I have attempted to caution her politely in the months before. If this continues, I can no longer handle her. Nursing care homes are overfilled and do not have the best medical oversight. I have a fairly strong science background and help to provide that day-to-day supervision. My two sisters cannot help out either due to reasons too long to explain. My mother also refuses support services coming into the house. I do not know what the solution here is. I even asked if I could bring in a counselor, but she does not want that. She is stubborn in many ways. Today's argument was the strongest so far where I lost my temper, and I do not wish this to happen again.