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Q. I masturbate a lot. But I do not feel any sexual attraction towards my wife.

Answered by
Dr. Shazia Anjum
and medically reviewed by iCliniq medical review team.
This is a premium question & answer published on Apr 06, 2017 and last reviewed on: Oct 09, 2018

Hi,

I am a 30 year old male, married for the last one year. We got married in February 2014 and because of job, we used to stay in different locations for the first 6 months. From last September we have been staying together. My wife is a good looking, well educated, smart girl and I adore my wife a lot and take care of her really well.

Unfortunately I do not feel any sexual attraction towards my wife. Frequency of sexual intercourse is as low as once in a month and in any of those sessions I had, I was never able ejaculate.

Below are few facts which may help you understand my problem:

  • I used to masturbate once/twice every day before we started staying together. Now also, I continue doing the same, but not that frequently.
  • I am able to ejaculate whenever I masturbate.
  • My style of masturbation is quite different than the too and fro action that happens in normal sexual intercourse.
  • I used to watch a lot of porn earlier which I have almost stopped in recent past. 
  • I have paid for sex in the past before marriage.
  • I feel sexually attracted towards other girls.
  • And sometimes I feel like having sex outside, though I have not done that.
  • I do not have any extramarital affair.
  • My testosterone level is normal.
  • I used to be underweight 2 years back.
  • I have gained almost 25 Kg in the past 1.5 years.
  • Currently I weigh 75Kg and my height in 167cm.
  • Almost every day I wake up sleepy and unfresh.
  • I work in branding job and my wife is a banker.

Everything is great in our relationship apart from this. This issue is putting a lot of stress on us (mainly on her). She is going into depression which is hurting me a lot. I want this married life to continue really well. Please Help.

#

Hello, 

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I understand your concern, both of you need to do a few things, especially you.

  • You must stop watching porn movies, in those movies nothing is real, they take drugs to increase everything in them.
  • And you must stop masturbating frequently since you are living together now and why you need to masturbate when you have your wife.
  • Masturbation is a normal process if done twice a week, but you are really doing excessive masturbation and your are suffering frompsychological problems due to it.
  • Ask your wife to wear sexy clothes for you, do dirty talking and dances for you.
  • Both of you should do at least 15 minutes of foreplay and both of you should give oral sex to each other.
  • Try different sexual positions, talk with her a lot more.
  • Send her messages like be ready, we will make sex tonight, before leaving your work.
  • Other big factor which lot of people face nowadays is living in separate cities even after marriage.
  • Did you guys spend time together immediately after marriage?
  • Did you guys go to honeymoon?
  • Did you have this problem then also?
  • Go together to some new place for a few days and enjoy there.
  • Sleep properly, at least 8 hours a day.
  • Play games like badminton, cricket, etc, and join a gym.
  • You both need counseling.

Try these methods and I am sure you will be able to improve.

Revert back to a sexologist online after a month for follow up --> https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/sexologist

Hello doctor,

  • I am not consuming porn for the last one month and I have reduced my frequency of masturbation to 4-5 times a week.
  • I am trying to reduce the same further. But I sometimes do not have good sleep without masturbating.
  • Though my wife is an attractive lady and I am attracted to her. She is my best friend but cannot think about having sex with her.
#

Hi,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

  • You have not answered many of my questions.
  • You have to stop masturbating and it is good that you are not seeing any porn.
  • Take tablet Alprex 0.25mg if you are not able to sleep.
  • Do the things which I have told you with your wife and you will be normal.

Take care.

Revert back to a sexologist online for further follow up --> https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/sexologist


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