I masturbate a lot. But I do not feel any sexual attraction towards my wife.

Question

Hi doctor,

I am a 30-year-old male, married for the last year. My wife is a good-looking, well-educated, smart girl and I adore my wife a lot and take care of her well. Unfortunately, I do not feel any sexual attraction towards my wife. The frequency of sexual intercourse is as low as once a month and in any of those sessions I had, I was never able to ejaculate. Below are a few facts that may help you understand my problem:

I used to masturbate once or twice every day before we started staying together. Now also, I continue doing the same, but not that frequently.
I can ejaculate whenever I masturbate.
My style of masturbation is quite different than the too-and-fro action that happens in normal sexual intercourse.
I used to watch a lot of porn earlier which I have almost stopped in the recent past.
I have paid for sex in the past before marriage.
I feel sexually attracted to other girls.
And sometimes I feel like having sex outside, though I have not done that.
I do not have any extramarital affairs.
My testosterone level is normal.
Almost every day I wake up sleepy.

Everything is great in our relationship apart from this. This issue is putting a lot of stress on us (mainly on her). She is going into depression which is hurting me a lot. I want this married life to continue well.

Please help.

Answer 1

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I understand your concern, both of you need to do a few things, especially you.

You must stop watching porn movies, in those movies nothing is real, they take drugs to increase everything in them. You must stop masturbating frequently since you are living together now and why do you need to masturbate when you have your wife?

Masturbation is a normal process if done twice a week, but if you are doing excessive masturbation and you are suffering from psychological problems due to it.
Ask your wife to wear sexy clothes for you, do dirty talking, and dance for you.
Both of you should do at least 15 minutes of foreplay and both of you should give oral sex to each other.
Try different sexual positions, and talk with her a lot more.
Send her messages like be ready, we will have sex tonight, before leaving your work.
Another big factor that a lot of people face nowadays is living in separate cities even after marriage.
Did you guys spend time together immediately after marriage?
Did you guys go on a honeymoon?
Did you have this problem then also?
Go together to some new place for a few days and enjoy it there.
Sleep properly, at least eight hours a day.
Play games like badminton, cricket, etc, and join a gym.