What is the treatment of mood disorders and depression?

Hi doctor,

I am a female medical student. I need help from a psychiatrist about my changeable mood, depression and excitement occur alternately. When I am with people, I used to cover my deep sadness for a reason and sometimes unknown. I keep searching for something to make me worry, sad, and guilty. I have to overthink the things that happened and are happening. My overthinking takes a lot of time and energy, and I sometimes feel so exhausted that I want to disappear or die to end this.

I care a lot about people and my relationship with friends and family, although I sometimes feel that no one loves or cares about me. Sometimes I see their faces looking in a wrong way to me, like the look that someone gives you when you do something terrible to him, and I think of them as if they are talking about me and hating me and I keep thinking why then I decide to face them and know then realize that it is not about me. So I tried so hard to suppress this feeling, these thoughts, and the anxiety and sadness that resulted. I want to add my mild social anxiety, and I have tremors and tachycardia, sweating in some situations relieved by Propranolol. In college, I keep smiling, no matter how I am known for this. But my doubts that people are thinking me wrong are killing me, and I cannot stand them anymore.

Last year, I tried to write all my thoughts before sleep to clear my mind, and it worked for a short period and on ordinary days, but it does not work on days of crisis, deep sadness, and crying. I even challenged myself not to cry, and I succeeded for three months without crying, but I had a problem with my father one day, and I cried a lot. I noticed that I mostly cry because he is so harsh and mean to me, even for minor things. His refusal to do many things that I ask in a mean way with offensive words makes me scared to face the world or ask anything from anyone. For an entire day to ask a friend or colleague for something takes a lot of time. I have so much studying that I have no time for, so I feel exhausted. I am a good student, but my grades are getting lower because of this. I even considered postponing this year of study and trying to solve this issue myself, then returning to college. You may offer me to visit a psychiatrist, but in my city, there is only one psychiatrist, and he is also our professor at college, so I cannot tell him anything due to privacy concerns. It is a stigma to have a psychiatric illness. I am unsure if I have a psychiatric or personality; it is my first time asking for professional help. Even I read about psychiatry, and I see myself as having some criteria of bipolar or some personality disorders can fit but not all or in a mild way even though sometimes I become so mad and sad and break things.

I need your help. I feel so sad and lonely. I want to know happiness again. I want to feel well again, but every time I think well, the problem restarts again. I cannot remember it has been since early teenage or late childhood, but it is recurrent, and I am so tired this year. It is not improving and is getting worse.

Thanks.