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Q. Why do I get attracted to both men and women?

Answered by
Dr. Shubham Mehta
and medically reviewed by iCliniq medical review team.
This is a premium question & answer published on May 28, 2017 and last reviewed on: Oct 09, 2018

Hello doctor,

I am a 29 year old male, who weighs 75 kg and I am 5.7 feet tall. I got married two years back, and my wife is three years younger to me. She comes from a very simple family, and she has had no relationship before we got married. She is also the first woman in my life, and both of us have never had any physical relationship before, but I used to sexually intimate with the boys in my class in school. I never had sexual intercourse with them, but we used to masturbate each other. From my childhood, I get attracted to both men and women. After marriage, I am trying to stop those feelings.

After getting married, we use condoms while having sex, but I never knew whether my penis is inside the vagina or not. We wanted to have a baby after a year, so I stopped using condoms. But, both of us have some discomfort during sex, and ejaculation occurs outside the vagina. Nowadays I ejaculate very fast after getting excited, and my wife does not know much about sex.

My wife is very sensitive when I touch her vagina, and her muscles are also very tight, and she is having PCOD problem, and she is under treatment. So, we get intimate only twice or thrice a month. As a result, my masturbation has become even more regular. Also, we tried penetration a lot of times, but the moment I come close to her, I lose my erection. We are very frustrated and are dying to have a baby. I am very uncomfortable with my foreskin rolled down. I know for penetration the head of the penis, needs to be inserted, but the head is very sensitive. I consulted a surgeon about my penis, and he told it is normal, and I had done a semen analysis, which showed sperm motility is only 40%. So, the doctor suggested using Fertisure tablets. Please help us.

Dr. Shubham Mehta

Psychiatry Psychotherapy Sexology Sleep Medicine


Welcome to

I have gone through your query and understood your concerns.

  • Firstly, if you feel attracted towards men and women both, it is just your sexual orientation. It is not a disorder. The more you will try to get rid of these feelings, the more they will disturb you.
  • Secondly, entering the vagina is a very different feeling as compared to just rubbing it over the clitoris. Your wife can best tell whether you penetrated her or not.
  • If you wife is very sensitive, you can give sufficient time in foreplay. Rubbing followed by fingering and penetration should be the plan. This will solve the problem of tight muscles also.
  • The head of the penis is always sensitive. If your penile foreskin is tight, your surgeon can help. Otherwise its normal to have a sensitive penile head.
  • 40% sperm motility is not too low, in my opinion, you do not need any medication for it. Slowly, as you would be able to do intercourse properly, your wife can conceive. Gradually, she can guide your penis into her vagina.

Hope this helps.

For more information consult a psychiatrist online -->

Was this answer helpful?


Hello doctor,

Thank you for your suggestion. How to get rid of my feelings for men? My erection is normal when I sleep with my wife. But, the erection does not last long. I have observed that my erection is more strong towards men when compared with my wife. And I get nervous and ejaculate outside. When I ask my wife if my penis is inside, she says yes. I believe my wife does not know much about sexual intercourse. Please help me, and I feel as if I am cheating on my wife. Please suggest some psychological treatment or medication.

Dr. Shubham Mehta

Psychiatry Psychotherapy Sexology Sleep Medicine


Welcome back to

I understand your concerns.

  • Males getting attracted towards other men is not a disorder, it is just your sexual orientation.
  • As our society does not think this to be appropriate, it is considered a taboo here. In my opinion, you should not feel guilty about it.
  • Rather than seeking any treatment (not required anyhow) for this, you should discuss this with your wife. The more you will express about this in front of her, the less guilt you will have of betraying her.
  • If you do not find it feasible, you can discuss this with a psychiatrist in your town who can listen, understand, and help you passionately.
  • If you still feel that your erection is not strong, you try taking tablet Tadalafil after consulting your doctor.

For further queries consult a psychiatrist online -->

Was this answer helpful?


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