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HomeAnswersPsychiatrytranswomanI am a transgender with a cleft palate. How to get cured?

How to cope with bullying, rejection, and gender identity?

The following is an actual conversation between an iCliniq user and a doctor that has been reviewed and published as a Premium Q&A.

Answered by

Dr. Aditya Gupta

Medically reviewed by

iCliniq medical review team

Published At February 3, 2017
Reviewed AtApril 26, 2024

Patient's Query

Hi doctor,

I am 26 years old. Since I was a kid, I was always bullied because I was born to be a cleft palate. Also, I am a transgender. My parents, especially my father did not care for me. Instead, he will just keep on scolding me. He will compare me to my other relatives, and he will hurt me. I stop studying in college for almost four years because I was bullied. I envy other people because they were born with no physical defect. In order for me to be appreciated, I just lie to my parents. I seek love to other people and crave for attentions. I pretend to be a girl to my previous and present boyfriend, and I always get hurt. I do not want to hurt anyone, but I cannot help myself to pretend to be a girl with a perfect face because all my life I was always being bullied. I always want to experience to be normal. For me to escape from reality, I just think of the happiness that I could have with my boyfriend. Although my friend does not know that I am not a real girl and I am not the person he sees me in the picture. There are moments and times that I want to commit suicide because I am so depressed and so problematic in family, school, love life and my future. I have planned that once I got work, I want to have surgery to be a transgender, to be beautiful and so that they will not reject me anymore. Please help me. I cannot understand myself anymore. I am always emotional, but sometimes I am happy. But, most of the time I am very lonely. What would I do?

Answered by Dr. Aditya Gupta


Welcome to icliniq.com.

You are going through a tough time, but it is not your fault. Being born with a cleft or any other anomaly is not under any one's control, and there is no use of thinking about the things that we cannot change. What is in our hand is how we cope with the stressors. Cleft lip can be repaired by surgery. Being gay is not a disease or abnormality, and you have to accept what you are. Others will only respect you if you respect yourself. Do not lie to your family or boyfriend. Express yourself assertively, but without confrontation. Certain things that will help are daily meditation for at least half an hour in the morning and follow a routine and regular exercise. Take balanced diet. You can maintain a stress diary, enter daily events in it uncensored and never read them again. You can also join a self-help group online or offline. Remember that every problem has a solution. You just need to try solving it and that too in a positive way. Help is just a step away. Thank you.

Same symptoms don't mean you have the same problem. Consult a doctor now!

Dr. Aditya Gupta
Dr. Aditya Gupta


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