Q. I was always bullied as I am a transgender with cleft palate. What would I do?

Answered by
Dr. Aditya Gupta
and medically reviewed by iCliniq medical review team.
This is a premium question & answer published on Feb 03, 2017 and last reviewed on: Apr 07, 2021

Hi doctor,

I am 26 years old. Since I was a kid, I was always bullied because I was born to be a cleft palate. Also, I am a transgender. My parents, especially my father did not care for me. Instead, he will just keep on scolding me. He will compare me to my other relatives, and he will hurt me. I stop studying in college for almost four years because I was bullied. I envy other people because they were born with no physical defect. In order for me to be appreciated, I just lie to my parents. I seek love to other people and crave for attentions. I pretend to be a girl to my previous and present boyfriend, and I always get hurt. I do not want to hurt anyone, but I cannot help myself to pretend to be a girl with a perfect face because all my life I was always being bullied.

I always want to experience to be normal. For me to escape from reality, I just think of the happiness that I could have with my boyfriend. Although my friend does not know that I am not a real girl and I am not the person he sees me in the picture. There are moments and times that I want to commit suicide because I am so depressed and so problematic in family, school, love life and my future. I have planned that once I got work, I want to have surgery to be a transgender, to be beautiful and so that they will not reject me anymore. Please help me. I cannot understand myself anymore. I am always emotional, but sometimes I am happy. But, most of the time I am very lonely. What would I do?



Welcome to

  • You are going through a tough time, but it is not your fault. Being born with a cleft or any other anomaly is not under any one's control, and there is no use of thinking about the things that we cannot change.
  • What is in our hand is how we cope with the stressors. Cleft lip can be repaired by surgery. Being gay is not a disease or abnormality, and you have to accept what you are.
  • Others will only respect you if you respect yourself. Do not lie to your family or boyfriend. Express yourself assertively, but without confrontation.
  • Certain things that will help are daily meditation for at least half an hour in the morning and follow a routine and regular exercise.
  • Take balanced diet. You can maintain a stress diary, enter daily events in it uncensored and never read them again. You can also join a self-help group online or offline.
  • Remember that every problem has a solution. You just need to try solving it and that too in a positive way. Help is just a step away.

For further information consult a psychiatrist online -->

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