I am 26 years old. Since I was a kid, I was always bullied because I was born to be a cleft palate. Also, I am a transgender. My parents, especially my father did not care for me. Instead, he will just keep on scolding me. He will compare me to my other relatives, and he will hurt me. I stop studying in college for almost four years because I was bullied. I envy other people because they were born with no physical defect. In order for me to be appreciated, I just lie to my parents. I seek love to other people and crave for attentions. I pretend to be a girl to my previous and present boyfriend, and I always get hurt. I do not want to hurt anyone, but I cannot help myself to pretend to be a girl with a perfect face because all my life I was always being bullied.
I always want to experience to be normal. For me to escape from reality, I just think of the happiness that I could have with my boyfriend. Although my friend does not know that I am not a real girl and I am not the person he sees me in the picture. There are moments and times that I want to commit suicide because I am so depressed and so problematic in family, school, love life and my future. I have planned that once I got work, I want to have surgery to be a transgender, to be beautiful and so that they will not reject me anymore. Please help me. I cannot understand myself anymore. I am always emotional, but sometimes I am happy. But, most of the time I am very lonely. What would I do?