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HomeAnswersPsychiatryadjustment disorderMy husband belittles me to avoid going out anywhere. How to change this one?

Is it normal to not want to go anywhere near your husband?

The following is an actual conversation between an iCliniq user and a doctor that has been reviewed and published as a Premium Q&A.

Medically reviewed by

iCliniq medical review team

Published At April 13, 2017
Reviewed AtAugust 21, 2023

Patient's Query

Hello doctor,

Is it normal to not want to be anywhere near your husband? He is not abusive in any way, he just belittles everyone around him. I do not want to go to work or anywhere, I just want to stay home while he is not at home. I am unhappy and I do not feel like myself. I just want to feel normal again. I need advice on what I should do to feel normal again. The medicines I am on are Spironolactone, Amitriptyline, Clindamycin gel, Finacea foam, Allegra, and Zantac.

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I can understand your concern. It is painful to have such feeling. Before going into the details, I would like to know few details. He is not abusive, but is there any particular dispute between both of you? You have mentioned that he belittles everyone. Does he belittle you in some particular things, on purpose? If yes, what are those things? How is his nature? Is he a caring husband? Do you have any history of a depressive disorder? Is there any history of low mood, reduced energy, lack of motivation, lack of interest in anything, bad thoughts, etc.? You have mentioned that you want to stay home when he is not there and you do not want to go to work or anywhere else. Is this because of him or due to some other reason? Do you feel bad for these symptoms? Such symptoms could be occurring due to depression but should be evaluated properly. Depression could lead to anhedonia and lack of interest. Depression might lead to apathetic behavior. Please visit a psychiatrist, for evaluation of your symptoms. Medicines like SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) or SNRI (serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor) can help to come out of depression and will bring back the lost feeling again. Fluoxetine, Escitalopram, or Paroxetine, etc. can be used to improve the symptoms, and you will feel better. With proper medicines, your symptoms will go in about four weeks. The medicines are safe to use and free of serious side effects. Thank you.

Patient's Query

Thank you doctor,

Usually, we have arguments about our kids. I have a 9 year old son, and he has a 7 year old son, and both live with us. We have been together since his son was a year old. He is very hard on both boys and loses his temper a lot. Not physically, but just screaming goes on and on. He screams and does not know when to stop. I usually step in because I feel he is being ridiculous and overreacting. He even calls them and me stupid sometimes. He is caring at times but not often. I have never had any depression diagnosis, but I have also never felt the way I do lately. I do not have any history of the symptoms I have right now. I just like to be at home when it is peaceful, and I do not have anxiety about what he is going to get angry about next. My job is not terrible. Definitely not my dream job, but it is manageable. One of my best friend works there with me as a matter of fact. I do feel bad for feeling this way, but I am not sure what I need to do to help myself feel normal again. Sometimes, I do not even want to eat.

Hello,

Welcome back to icliniq.com.

He has issues related to anger and he sometimes screams on the children. His persistent anger had resulted in the symptoms you are having. I will not label these symptoms as depressive symptoms, but these are occurring due to ongoing situations and thus we can put these in adjustment disorder. You want to stay peaceful when he is not there and this is part of adjustment disorder. First of all, make a list of things that are bothering you most. Find out the points at which he behaves badly and you feel bad about that. Once you make a list of the situations or his maladaptive behavior, then arrange it in the least harmful to most bothering. Now try to ignore the least bothering things and avoid getting angry over these things. Try to distract yourself or if possible do relaxation exercise and yoga. Then focus on the things that cannot be suppressed or ignored. Talk with him regarding about these things, and explain to him that you feel bad because of his behavior and anger, and you will not tolerate his behavior. You can work with your husband on his symptoms, and this will definitely help in managing his anger. Find out positive things in him and disqualify the negative things of him. Do not generalize the things, and remain relaxed during his maladaptive behavior. Focus on his positive things, ignore the negative things. Do not maximize his bad behavior, and try to ignore his bad things. With time you will learn to ignore his bad behavior, and he will also shape his behavior. This will help in better functioning and will develop the feelings again which you are used to having. Thank you.

Same symptoms don't mean you have the same problem. Consult a doctor now!

Dr. Seikhoo Bishnui
Dr. Seikhoo Bishnui

Psychiatry

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