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HomeAnswersPsychologist/ CounselordepressionMy wife does not show interest in me after her delivery. Why?

Why does not my wife show interest on me after her delivery?

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The following is an actual conversation between an iCliniq user and a doctor that has been reviewed and published as a Premium Q&A.

Answered by

Dr. Ashok Kumar

Medically reviewed by

iCliniq medical review team

Published At November 14, 2016
Reviewed AtJanuary 30, 2024

Patient's Query

Hello doctor,

I am not here to complain about my life and I am actually seeking guidance. I am a 23-year-old male who is married to a beautiful 27-year-old female. I am a nice person and at least I believe so, a caring husband and a fun brother. Recently, we had a baby girl and she is 2 months old today. The problem that I am facing is that my wife has become as cold as ice. I am more than certain that my wife did not cheat on me, so this theory is simply out the window. I do not know what I do wrong or how to fix this. I have tried several different devices that were already out there on the internet, but none of them seem to even slightly shift the situation in my favor. I have even raised this question several times with my wife, we talk about it and she says that she will try, but then does not even do a single bit of what she promised. My wife always seems to have an excuse to avoid any contact. When we just got married there was passion, love, and romance. But, right when she got pregnant, which was a planned pregnancy and we worked for it very hard for several months as she became irritated by everything and everyone. I did not seem to even get offended by that and simply try to be the best husband possible. I never said no to any errands, no matter how dumb they were. Even if it was 11 PM and if she wanted orange juice, I would get my butt up and go get it.

She had a complicated pregnancy and I have honestly tried to support her as much as I could. Now, the pregnancy is over and we have a baby girl to look after. It is not an easy task and definitely a person gets tired. Since I am the only working person in the family; my wife spends 80 % of her time raising our daughter. Though that is very tiring, I cannot believe that it is so tiring that she will not even want to hug me. When I come from work she does not greet me. Every time I get some rude responses like you stink or do not touch me or it is irritating. When I just approach her and try to say something nice, she just smirks it off and does not even say anything in return. She has no interest in doing any activities together. When we actually do decide to do something together, she is always on her phone texting her girlfriends. I always ask her if she wants anything and in return, I get a growling. With this behavior, I definitely get discouraged, and sad and simply go and play video games. I still go up to her every hour or so and give her a little kiss or a hug and ask if she wants anything now, but still get rudeness in response.

I just forgot my sex life. What is that? I never straight jump into sex, as you have probably noticed at this point. I am romantic. I always try to comfort her with some foot massage or hugging. I do not even mind doing it even if I get nothing in return, but the problem is that I get none of the action. She gets my undivided attention. I do not forget to get her flowers or a gift on a special occasion, yet I get nothing. I know that it sounds one-sided like I am putting her in a bad light, but it is all that bothers me. I am very honestly trying to keep this relationship going till the end of our days. I just ran out of ideas and I hope for some advice.

Answered by Dr. Ashok Kumar

Hi,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I read your query with keen interest and understand your concerns. First of all, I do not think that anybody can have a positive outcome without the interest of the person in question. I understand your motive to bring back your wife as well as life to normalcy, but I think there is a need to get reciprocated which is not happening on this date. Before we can think of doing anything we need to look at the reasons, which may be responsible for the current behavior. The first thing that comes to my mind is the unfulfilled wishes of your wife. It is possible that she had some career plans, which got washed away with the happening of pregnancy and childbirth. I have observed a few such cases and this is merely a possibility. The second thing which comes to me is postpartum depression. I do not have full details of her, but irritable behavior, loss of interest in pleasurable activities, social isolation, and feels bad smell despite evidence to otherwise somewhat indicted depression. Postpartum depression is one of the common disorders after childbirth and affects almost 25 % of women during this period. If any of the two possibilities are not possible according to you or you have some more details about her sleep, eating behavior, social interaction with other people, and care of the baby, then please revert back to me. Once we pin down the cause, we can have correction of the problem. Take care.

Thank you.

Same symptoms don't mean you have the same problem. Consult a doctor now!

Dr. Ashok Kumar
Dr. Ashok Kumar

Geriatrics

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