Hi doctor,
I am a 40 year old male. I do not think I am depressed as such. I am doing everything fine and having a happy family life. But, something is troubling me since a year or so. I get anger, mostly by remembering old incidents, sometimes incidents from my childhood. Mostly involving my father, who did many wrongs to me. I get angry by remembering these events. Mostly, turn violent mentally. It causes an immediate mood-swing, but everything becomes normal instantly, as I come out of it very quickly. It goes off in a flash. Initially, these convulsions were only internal. I mean that I just had them in my mind. But slowly, they have begun to surface. It became readable on my face, and sometimes I make gestures responding to them mostly when I am alone. My wife has complained a few times that I keep saying something alone, at times. My 5 year old kid have also asked me at times as he has seen anger on my face because of no reason. Sometimes, it comes when I am driving, and I react to that by increasing the speed or harsh overtaking. I take control as soon as I realize that I did it. It happens more if I drive alone. People give me looks as they see something on my face. I work as a software engineer. I work on complex projects and doing my job successfully. This problem is not affecting me right now, but later it might if the things get further out of hand. I try to avoid these thoughts actively, but they do surface. I tried meditating to calm the mind. Do not know if it is working. Based on my symptoms, do you think I am suffering from a mental ailment? Obviously, the things are not normal. What do you call this kind of behavior? Should I see a psychiatrist?
Hi,
Welcome to icliniq.com.
Thank you for your query. The thoughts seem quite repetitive and not in your control from what you are saying. Something that happened could have triggered it. Also, you seem quite disturbed about it, and it is affecting your driving. In my opinion, it is the best to consult a psychiatrist face to face. You need to be evaluated in details and be counseled. The earlier, the better. Cognitive behavior therapy also works wonders with helping one deal with such repetitive thoughts which trouble them. In the meantime, pen down your thoughts on paper, especially those troubling you and later throw it in the dustbin. It will help you control your mind to some extent at least. It is like training your mind that it is only during that fixed time you think about negative thoughts and how you feel about them and throwing away the paper is like getting rid of them. Thank you.
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