How to overcome feelings of sadness, loneliness, and insecurity?

Hi doctor,

This is the first time I am doing this, and I did this because I badly need someone's opinion about what is happening to me. I feel sad, lonely, and alone. I do not know where to start cause I know they are a lot of things that trigger this in me. First, maybe I feel insecure about every little thing. The thing is, I lack the feeling of being loved. I feel like something is always wrong with me, and I am always the bad guy in every circumstance. I feel insecure physically, mentally, and emotionally. Sometimes I enjoy being alone and doing the things that make me happy alone cause that way. No one is going to judge me.

For example, in our family, I feel like the black sheep; I feel it cause they show it. And that feeling I am feeling right now makes me want to end my life. Every day I keep on saying I want to end myself cause that way, I would not feel the feeling of being anyone's friend. The eyes that stab you. I cannot be cured by talking, explaining, or sharing my problems with anyone because I have done that before. I do not know how many times, but I am always being turned down; either they say that I am too dramatic, overreacting, and stop adding problems to the family, or worse, being neglected by everyone, even friends and family. So there is no one I could share it with too. So growing up, I kept all those talks and things I wanted to say until I shut down. I shut down to the point that now when they want to dig deeper and know where I am coming from, I do not want to talk about it. I refuse to talk. I do not know myself anymore. Please help me.

Thank you.