Can psychological issues cause erectile problems during sex?

Question

Hello doctor,

I am a 32-year-old male. I started masturbating ten years ago and currently masturbate daily, both in the morning and at night. Sometimes, I achieve an erection very quickly, while other times it takes longer. I usually masturbate while watching porn videos. The problem is that when I entered married life, I could not achieve a proper erection to penetrate my partner. I could get a partial erection, but it would go down quickly. I also feel less arousal when I actually touch or feel my partner's body compared to when I am watching porn. As a result, my marriage was affected, leading to divorce. I do not experience erection problems during masturbation, so why does this happen during actual sex? How can I address this issue? I will be getting married again in a month, so I would appreciate your help.

Answer 1

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

The thoughts you are having are creating the problem. For a 32-year-old man who has been masturbating regularly for the last nine years, it is easy to conclude that there is no inherent issue with erections. The feelings of guilt associated with masturbation are contributing to the problem. In other words, this is primarily a psychological issue, which is common among men who believe masturbation is wrong. At this stage, I would like to offer you a few pieces of advice:

First, stop believing that masturbation is a problem or that it leads to erection difficulties. I want to assure you that masturbating is completely normal, and there is no reason to feel ashamed about it.
It is advisable to masturbate two to three times a week but not more than that, as excessive frequency might lead to addiction.
Marriage is not solely about sex or procreation; there are many other aspects to consider. Focus on developing intimacy with your future partner before engaging in sexual activity.
When having sex, devote at least 20 to 30 minutes to foreplay. Without this, you may miss out on the true value of intimacy and the ability to give and receive sexual pleasure.
Finally, stop thinking that you have a problem. It is absolutely normal to not achieve an erection on one or two occasions. Everyone experiences failure in life, and sex is no exception. Accept it and move on.

I hope this helps you.

Thank you.