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Q. I am in love with a man who is committed with another girl. What shall I do?

Answered by
Dr. Ashok Kumar Choudhary
and medically reviewed by iCliniq medical review team.
This is a premium question & answer published on May 24, 2016 and last reviewed on: Aug 18, 2021

Hi doctor,

I am a 25 year old female. My manager is a very good friend of mine. We are good friends for one year now. He is 33 years old. He is very sophisticated in nature, very clean and modern yet a bit conservative. He likes girls to be calm, a little conservative, patient, sweet and lovely. He is impatient. He was in love with a girl but now she got married with some other person. He tried a lot to convince her not to marry. He wanted her to be with him like living together yet he was fine even if they do not get married. But, she got married. After her marriage the guy whom she got married was not too interested in her. So, she is still in touch with my manager. They planned to buy lands, etc., when they were committed and already had bought a few. I have seen him messaging her. Whenever her message comes, no matter what he is doing, he stops the work and responds her. When she got married, he was extremely disappointed and even cried. I have started falling in love with him. But, I never told him. I would say our relationship is very cute. After our work around 10 PM, we always go to airport in his car to have coffee. We are doing this for the past 9-10 months. He likes my voice, the way I speak, smile and mostly my expressions. I behave like a kid in front of him and I love poking him. I feel the utmost comfortable with him. He shares everything to me except whatever he talks to his girlfriend and his financial status. He works hard but all the time he remains stressed. He used to be happy last year when he was with his girlfriend. After her marriage, he became too distressed. He hardly sleeps well. One day he kissed me. I too did. We started doing this regularly. When I asked him the reason, he said he does not know, but definitely it is not right. He told he might be having gratitude towards her. He was clueless. We still repeated after that. At times, I see some love in his eyes. At times, I do not see anything for me. In fact, he also told me he wants to sleep with me. But, after some days he told he will not do that.

He is still in touch with the other girl and I did not know what they talk. He is a person who do not talk too much and introvert. I am always the person who asks coffee to him. If I did not ask he will also remain the same. If I did not message, he will remain silent. But, whenever he has some problem he approaches me. Now, I love him. I am not sure whether he loves me or that girl. I am in a very confused state. I do not want to propose him now and spoil my professional relationship. I do not want to marry with anyone else. I am in a dilemma now. Does he love me? If not, then why he kissed me? He is not a kind of person who will hook up with girl just to kiss. If he loves me, he may not marry me. What should I do then? My family will definitely love to see me getting married. Please help me.

#

Hi,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I read your query with keen interest and understand your concerns.

  • Although I am not supposed to be judgmental, but I feel you are playing with fire which is not going to help in any way.
  • I understand that your manager is not a womanizer, but it is possible that you know only some part of his life as he is introvert.
  • It is possible that to establish firm belief he stated that he is not going to sleep with you. It is also possible that since you are in love you see only one side of your manager.
  • Just think, why he should keep his finance's secret if he is in love with you? Just ask yourself how much initiated from his side.
  • Why he answers his ex immediately and forgets to call or message you for three to four days?
  • I feel he is already in love with some other girl and needs support from somebody else and that support is provided by you. It is possible that he considers you as a good friend and shares his thoughts with you.
  • Having said that it is never a good idea to mix profession with personal life, I understand your feeling. But, engaging with a person who is already engaged with someone else is going to spoil your life at both personal as well as professional front.
  • You need to think out of box with common sense and find a suitable guy for you. This will be in interest of you as well as your parents.

For further information consult a psychologist counsellor online --> https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/psychologist-counsellor


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