How to deal the relationship issues with my mother?

Question

Hello doctor,

I love my family. However, there is a huge ideological difference between my mother and me. Our religious views are poles apart and I feel someone is smothering me with those ideologies because I tend to take full control of situations under me. (eg: vegetarian vs non-vegetarian, etc).I cannot seem to express myself clearly. I feel like I should be leaving home and live my life the way I want to. But I always end at the same level and I tend to forget. I feel this has been an ongoing issue in my life. I am going through a divorce and I started having trust issues with people. Please help me and guide me.

Answer 1

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

Your dilemma is quite common. It is perfectly normal to have ideological differences with family members, but we can continue to be close to our family. You made a very important comment that "I cannot seem to express myself clearly." It is important to sit down with your mother and have an open talk about these issues which is grinding you down.

Sometimes parents do not always realize their children are grown up adults and have a mind on their own. Being clear and explicit with your mother about topics to avoid will help to ease your tension. Is your mother trying to be supportive in her way? Going through a divorce can be a stressful experience for anyone. It can have an overall exhausting effect on your life but will gradually get better with time.

I can understand your predicament. I think sometimes we have to accept that you cannot change an adult's personality but work around minimizing conflict. In this situation, it will help to just accept your mother as she is and learn to tolerate some amount of disagreement. Gradually develop better-coping strategies. Yoga and meditation can help.

Look after yourself during this period. Eat healthily, sleep well, exercise regularly, talk to trusted family members and friends. Do not isolate yourself as it can worsen the situation. If you find it difficult to cope, you can consider professional counseling.