Child Discipline Methods - A Walkthrough

Introduction

The Latin meaning of the word ‘discipline’ is ‘to teach’. The act of training individuals to obey rules and behave well is called discipline. Incorporating discipline in children does not mean punishing or gaining control over them. Discipline must be gradually inculcated in a child based on their ability to understand. The goal of discipline is to help children to manage their feelings and behavior which is called self-monitoring.

What Are The Theories Of Discipline?

The five basic theories of discipline are:

• Boundary-Based Discipline: Parents need to set boundaries so that the child knows their limit. For example, if a child hits a spoon or a ladle loudly on the floor, instead of scolding them they can be given a choice like ‘Can you stop hitting the spoon or shall I grab away the spoon and not give it back until tomorrow?’

• Gentle Discipline: A child refuses to listen when they are upset, angry, screaming, or crying. They have to be addressed in such a way that they stop misbehavior as well as understand the command of the parent. For example, if a child likes to go outside but refuses to eat, they can be addressed as ‘Finish off your breakfast so that we can leave out to get your favorite toy’.

• Positive Discipline: Children work enthusiastically when they are encouraged and given responsibility. If they refuse to perform a particular task, the reason should be found out like whether they are afraid to do it, or whether they just want to grab the attention. For example, if a child does not put their plate in the sink after eating they can be approached as, ‘Since you are fast enough can you help me clean the table by carrying the vessels to the sink?’

• Emotion-Coaching: When children learn to explore their emotions, they tend to behave better. When parents feel empathetic with the kids, the kids gain trust and feel that there is someone to understand them. For example, if a child cries for chocolate but the parent does not buy it they can approach the child gently ‘I know that you are feeling bad, but getting chocolates every time you see them is wrong as it can damage your teeth. We shall get it after a few days.

• Behavior Modification: Using warnings and rewards for good behavior can reduce misbehavior in kids. For example, if a child beats another child while playing they must be given a few warnings like, ‘It is wrong to beat your friend so stop it and this is the first warning. If the child persists in their action even after two warnings they must be grabbed off their playtime for a day so that they understand their mistake. If they correct the behavior next time while playing, they must be rewarded such as by sticking a star on a chart.

What Are The Consequences Of Physical or Verbal Punishments In Children?

Few parents believe that by slapping, beating, or scolding a child, they can correct their misbehavior. But this can impact the physical and mental health of the child in the long run. The consequences of physical and verbal punishments are as follows:

• Hitting Is Wrong: The American Academy Of Pediatrics (AAP) suggests that hitting children can aggravate anger and aggression in them instead of correcting their behavior. The more they are hit, the more unruly they become which results in increased hitting. Kids also decide that it is fine to harm someone in frustration. Children who are hit more by their parents can harm their friends if they do not get what they want.

• Etched In Their Minds: Physical punishments can be injurious and can become strongly registered in the mind of the kids. Children who are hit frequently have raised hormonal levels linked to toxic stress. It can have an impact on the child’s brain development. Studies show that children who are hit frequently had less gray matter (part of the brain involved in self-control) and performed poorly in IQ tests.

• Words Hurt: Abusing the child with harsh words can make them feel shameful and can affect their mental health. This increases their misbehavior and can cause depression in the long run.

Why Does A Child Misbehave?

Before teaching a child good behaviors, it is important to understand why a child misbehaves. Children can misbehave because of the following:

• Too young to distinguish between good and bad behaviors.

• No other ways to express their feelings of anger, frustration, or being upset.

• Stressed by new changes such as going to school, separation of parents, or a new sibling.

• Not getting enough attention from parents.

• Feeling that parents are unfair and that they want to punish them by misbehaving.

• Want more independence.

Why Is Discipline Important?

Discipline starts at home and children are what they are based on what they learn in childhood. When discipline is bestowed on them gently through the persons they love that is their parents, they begin to respect authority. When they learn to respect authority at home they follow the same with teachers at school or with bosses at the office. It may be difficult to tolerate the tantrums of the child but it is important to understand from the child’s viewpoint and guide them gently. Parents as well should follow discipline because children see and learn from their parents.

What Are The Principles Of Constructive Child Discipline?

The seven principles of constructive child discipline are:

• Respect the child’s dignity.

• Develop pro-social behavior, self-discipline, and character.

• Increase the child’s active participation.

• Respect the child’s developmental needs and quality of life.

• Respect the child’s motivation and life views.

• Ensure fairness and transformative justice.

• Maintain unity among peers and other social groups.

What Are The Healthy Ways To Promote Discipline In A Child?

The following are the ways to promote discipline in a child:

• One-On-One Time: Building one-on-one time with children can help build a healthy relationship even if it is for a short duration. Activities like cleaning the house together while singing or chatting, and drying the clothes together can develop a sense of responsibility in them besides enjoying the activity.

• Positive Comments: Children love to be praised as it makes them feel special and loved. Encouraging and appreciating them for positive behaviors motivates them to continue the same and they strive to be better.

• Being Clear With The Expectations: Instructing them to do what is needed can be more efficacious than asking them what not to do. Suppose a child spills something on the floor, instead of asking them not to repeat it they can be instructed to clean up the mess. This enables them to learn that anything spilled should be tidied and that it must not be repeated.

• Productive Distraction: When a child becomes irritable or cranky, it should be sensed in advance and their energy should be diverted towards productive activities like taking them out for a walk, giving them some other toys to play with, or engaging them in useful activities.

• Stay Calm: The child must be made to understand that there can be a consequence for their bad behavior such as depriving them of their playtime or their favorite toy when misbehaved. Though it can be hard for parents to tolerate certain tantrums, staying calm and being consistent can promote positive parenting.

• Be A Role Model: Parents must follow discipline before expecting the same from their children. For example, if they want their child to be patient, they must wait in a queue for their turn. Children see and learn from their parents.

• Role Play: Teaching discipline can be made fun-filled through role play. Allowing kids to play the role of parents and making them direct the parents can give them a sense of authority. If the child is unwilling to share a toy they can be approached positively such as, ‘Can you give your car once you are finished playing with it?’ instead of ‘You must share your car with others.’

• Be Calm But Firm: Rather than giving lengthy talks about the need to behave properly a calm but firm tone can work. If the child misbehaves a firm ‘no’ can help.

• Time-out: When a child does something unacceptable, they can be made to sit in a boring spot till they calm down. Parents should not respond when the child talks. When they cross the time-out zone they must be made to sit again in the same spot. The time for time-out should be based on age like 2 minutes for a two-year-old and so on. After the time-out, the parents must show empathy, make the child understand their mistakes, and be told that they are being loved unconditionally.

What Are The Discipline Methods Based On Age?

Various discipline methods based on age are:

• Infants: Babies learn based on what they observe, hence parents need to follow discipline. Positive cautions like, ‘It can hurt you’ rather than ‘Do not touch’ can be followed. Using the word ‘no’ can be powerful. Distracting babies from harmful or sharp objects and replacing them with safe ones can work.

• Toddlers: Toddlers start recognizing things and observe their environment. They might test the parents to notice their reactions. Positive behaviors should be appreciated and negative ones ignored. This can be done by distracting them. Tantrums and fussiness are common at this age and should be handled patiently. Biting, hitting, and being aggressive should be discouraged. Parents themselves should refrain from hitting or using abusive words. Short time-outs can be followed.

• Pre-School Age: While continuing to learn correct behavior, pre-school age kids may test the limits of siblings and parents. They analyze how, why, and when things work. Teaching the kids based on how much they can perceive at that age should be followed. Simple activities like organizing their toys, allowing them to choose between choices, giving step-by-step directions, using time-outs, and teaching them to treat someone in a way they expect themselves to be treated should be encouraged. They must be made to understand that it is normal to feel upset but it is unacceptable to break or throw something.

• School-Going Age: The child at this stage can distinguish between right and wrong. When they have difficulty in deciding options, parents can help by telling them what is good and bad and the consequences of their decisions. They must be made to understand the family expectations and consequences. Children must be rewarded for good behaviors and deprived if not followed. They must be encouraged to respect others, show concern, and be patient. Physical punishment by parents as well as others should be avoided.

• Adolescents And Teens: This is a crucial stage when kids become independent in their decisions and parents have to balance their love, support, and care with proper guidance, rules, expectations, and boundaries. Showering them with plenty of love, care, and affection at this stage is important. The more they remain connected with the family, the healthier decisions they will make. Parents must familiarize themselves with their child’s friends and let them know about good and respectful relationships. They must be appreciated for their efforts, success, and good endeavors. Adolescents and teens should be explained the ill effects of substance abuse like alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, and so on.

Conclusion

Discipline should focus on directing the child on the track of good behavior rather than punishing or verbally abusing them. It can be difficult for parents to be patient all the time but taking a short break, relaxing, and then handling the child calmly will have a positive effect on the child’s behavior. Apologizing to the child after being harsh, making them understand their misbehavior, and reassuring the child that their response will be rectified can impact the child positively. Mastering the skills to instill good discipline in children requires a lot of practice, time, and patience.