Dr. Suresh Kumar G D
Pediatrics
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Patient's Query
Hello doctor,
My wife of 18 years no longer finds me attractive. Not physically, but mentally. That is, I no longer turn her on because I have let her down, lied, and been lazy over the last years. She had already made up her mind to leave me before I knew we had a problem. For the children's sake, she has agreed to go into therapy but admits she does not see much hope of rekindling the lost passion, and I am not 100 percent convinced that she wants to. We are great friends, hang out a lot together, do fitness, date nights, concerts, festivals, and others. We rarely argue, have no money issues, drug or drink abuse, or violence. Is there any realistic chance that counseling can turn this around?
Kindly help.
Hello,
Welcome to icliniq.com.
You have already taken the first step of acknowledging the problem and trying to address it. You have to gradually rebuild the trust, which is crucial for the survival of any relationship. You have admitted to letting your wife down and lying to her, which could have significantly contributed to your wife's negative feelings towards the relationship. It is difficult to comment further without knowing your wife's perspective. Couples therapy or marital therapy can potentially help salvage the relationship. As you may know, you cannot predict success in all cases, but I have personally seen several families benefit from the intervention. I advise you to attend therapy sincerely and take it from there. Make sure that your wife does not feel pressured into doing things against her wishes. It is interesting to note that you are still great friends, and there are no significant conflicts involved.
Did your wife not challenge you when you were lying and letting her down? Has she internalized all her worries and anger instead of talking about them with you openly to seek a resolution? Therapy can help to find common ground and how to handle emotionally difficult scenarios. Marital therapy can be challenging but will be helpful. Continue with fun activities together as a family.
I hope this helps. You can contact me again if further advice is needed.
Thank you.
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Pediatrics
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