Most people enter the marriage life with unrealistic expectations of a dream life influenced by some popular songs and movies. But soon their dreams are shattered and their married life gets ruined before it takes off.
Ideally, couples should seek premarital counseling before getting married. However, some married couples wait until they have problems, in that case they should seek ‘marriage counseling for newly weds’. They can also seek such counseling, even if they have no issues, to make the marriage life better.
How Do Marriage Counselors Help?
- Marriage counselors talk with the married couples to either help them handle marital problems or to make their married life better. Marriage counselors help the couple in conflict resolution skills and communication skills.
- A marriage counselor may talk with the couple together or may talk with each one individually.
- Doing this allows each spouse to feel comfortable about expressing their feelings.
- Most often newly weds are advised by friends and family members.
- Such advice may not be reliable and be prejudiced.
- It must be understood that the couple are individuals who have lived different life styles but, after marriage they live together.
- They were brought up differently, have different personalities, habits and attitudes, which clash when they live together.
- This leads to problems which can be solved by counseling.
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- Talking with each other is the most important thing for a happy married life, it solves many problems.
- The couple can talk about the day’s activities.
- They should talk about their interests, about their life experiences, friends and anything under the sun.
- Listening to the spouse is as important as expressing one’s thought.
- While talking no negative comments should be made and one should listen to the spouse’s talk and encourage her/him to talk.
Bringing in Variety
- Couple should not get caught up in routines.
- They can bring variety by dressing differently, talking on various topics, listening to a song together or just by taking a walk.
- Attention should be paid towards the spouse and a compliment often does wonders.
- The couple should look good to each other and ask the spouse about her/his preferences.
- The sexual act should be taken as a play and not as a duty.
Give Some Freedom
- Just because one is married, it does not mean one should expect from the spouse to abandon everyone and everything that existed in life before marriage.
- The spouse should be given time and space to interact with friends and family and also to pursue their career and interests.
- One should not try to ‘control’ the spouse.
- Both the partners have to make adjustments to make their spouse comfortable.
Regarding Conception and Pregnancy
- Young couples should wait at least one year to have children. This gives them time to build a good foundation for a family.
- The couple get closer and will have the maturity to resolve any problems or any serious issues before bringing a child into their life.
- To delay the child birth, the couple should use contraceptives and the best contraceptive for newly weds is Oral Contraceptive Pill (OCP).
- As the frequency and timing of intercourse is uncertain in newlyweds, the OCP gives protection round the clock.
- The woman should be medically examined to see if she is fit to take OCP.
- Misconceptions about OCP are much prevalent, but it is one of the safest drugs.
- It has been used by millions of women all over the world for more than half a century.
- In any case it is much safer than taking abortion pill for unwanted pregnancy.
- Condom can be used as a regular contraception too, but the cost and failure rate is higher, and it may not be available at the time of need.
How Do Sexual Problems Develop?
- Sex is a vital part of the marriage relationship.
- Most of the problems arise when the sex life is not satisfying for both partners.
- If there are physical problems affecting the performance, one should consult a doctor and discuss the situation along with the spouse.
- The stress and strain of everyday life can distract the couple and steal away the leisure and pleasure from the marriage life.
- Couples should keep some time for each other and learn to relax in each other’s company.
- Most of the sexual problems in newly weds are due to misconceptions and lack of knowledge about sex.
- Usually the couple learn about sexual behavior from friends and quite often the information is wrong or inflated.
- There is no rule for sexual activity, each couple is different and what is good for one may not be good for another.
- One golden rule is not to compare self with others.
- In most cases the husband cannot develop satisfactory sexual relationship due to lack of knowledge, communication gap and due to anxiety.
- Both the partners should be examined and treated.
- Common sexual problems are lack of penetration and quick ejaculation (premature ejaculation). Both the conditions can be treated easily with drugs and counseling.
Some Misconceptions about Sexual Relationship
- Frequent sexual activity is needed in young couples: The frequency of sex depends on the mutual understanding and may not be much frequent. The couple should discuss and make adjustments with the spouse.
- Small penis size decreases performance: The small size of male organ is a very rare occurrence and the size does not matter if performance is adequate.
- Pain and Bleeding should occur in the first attempt: Pain and bleeding are not essential on the first attempt of sexual intercourse. It may happen or may not happen. It is no indication about the virginity of the wife.
Benefits of Counseling for Newly Weds
- Couples learn the communication skills to resolve conflict in a healthy manner and how to state their needs clearly and openly without resentment or anger.
- Marriage counseling offers a safe environment for expressing any unhappiness the couples feel. Getting the feelings out with a trained professional is of great help.
- Physical relationship skills needed to maintain a fulfilling marriage could be learned. A marriage counselor can teach the couple those skills while monitoring the progress with couple’s feedback.
The couple should not wait too long to seek a marriage counselor. Even if the couple feel it is too late and no amount of counseling will help they should still seek professional help. Doing so will keep the couple from making a mistake that they may regret later.
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