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Q. What is the first step to make my sex life happy?

Answered by
Dr. Nidhi Jain Bukharia
and medically reviewed by iCliniq medical review team.
This is a premium question & answer published on Oct 25, 2016 and last reviewed on: Oct 07, 2020

Hi doctor,

I am 30 years old. My height is 190 cm and weight is 130 kg. I have a relationship for about five years now and we are married for the last four years. We have a boy, who is 2.5 years old. I am an architect. My wife is 29 years old and she is an interior architect. But, she is not working at the moment as she is looking after our son.

I had my first sexual engagement when I was 16 years old. I knew from the beginning that something was wrong with the way I was doing sex. I did not have any proper education about it. I always felt my erection time a little below the standards. I do not really know how much it should actually be. While having sex, I could not go all the way as my erection was no more. When I had a proper erection, I was early all the time. That was not a problem those days as I was young. I was comforting myself about how young and inexperienced I am and believed it will be better as I get older. But the truth is, it has got worse.

I had sex with my wife for around four or five times after the birth of my son, which means five times in 2.5 years. In the early stage of our relationship, our sex life was good. Later, our sex period started to decrease. After we learned about my wife's pregnancy, real problems began. We did not have sex for 3 or 4 months and it continued the same way, until this point. But, there were no problem with my masturbation count. I had never had such a high libido and so is my wife. But, we had a good vibration and our relationship got better and better.

We were always into the ordinary type of sex and did nothing so special. I can even say we have three or four positions and all of our diversity comes from differentiating our location, such as living room, bedroom, etc. My biggest issue about our sex pattern was not doing it in the mornings. I guess most of the women do not like it, but it became a bigger issue. Because, after some time, those were my only moments that I want to have sex.  But, we could not do any, because she did not want that. Initially refused morning sex and then she said she does not like to have sex at all. Last week, she told me that she like to get a divorce and that really made me so sad. My wife's parents are with us for the past two months. As they are renovating their house, they will stay with us for a year.

We also got other problems, but none of them are desperate as this one. I am not expecting a magic response from you, but at least I need a direction to solve this issue. Should I begin with myself or should we do something together? Where should I seek further medical advice? Should I get checked physiologically or just see a family counselor? What should be the first step of a solution for me to be happy forever with my wife and child?

Dr. Nidhi Jain Bukharia

Psychiatry Psychologist/ Counsellor Sexology
#

Hi,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

  • I have read your query thoroughly, but still not getting the exact problem. Please explain me your exact issue.
  • I wonder whether your problem is that you like to have sex in the morning or low sexual desire or semen comes out early (premature ejaculation) or something else.

Revert back with the answer to the above question to a sexologist online --> https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/sexologist


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Thank you doctor,

Sorry for not being direct about the problem. I think it was losing erection at the beginning and now it led to low sexual desire. Now our biggest issue is low desire.

Dr. Nidhi Jain Bukharia

Psychiatry Psychologist/ Counsellor Sexology
#

Hi,

Welcome back to icliniq.com.

  • Always do sex with good mood. Nobody should be tired and both should be ready for it.
  • Try to do something new in sexual life. Like new positions, new place, sexy dresses, every time after shower, in cool and dark room, etc.
  • Always do foreplay at least for 30 to 40 minutes and have some talk and feel love for each other.
  • I suggest sensate focus technique, in which touching partner's body parts to make him or her feel more sensations.
  • Do sexual intercourse more frequently for at least once or twice a week and gradually you will feel more sexual desire.
  • For premature ejaculation, use techniques like stop and start technique, squeeze technique or Master and Johnson techniqueStop and start technique will be very effective if you do it properly.

For further information consult a sexologist online --> https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/sexologist


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