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Q. My boyfriend treats me as an option. What to do?

Answered by
Dr. Ashok Kumar Choudhary
and medically reviewed by iCliniq medical review team.
This is a premium question & answer published on Jun 24, 2017 and last reviewed on: Oct 28, 2021

Hi doctor,

I am a 24 year old female. I am in a relationship since three years. I am not treated with the same love and dignity by the person. In this duration of our relationship, he left me twice for two months without communication, and he used to text when he needed anything. It is always me, who has to give and make efforts. Whereas on the other end, he seems happy, and he does not bother nor miss me till he wants to have fun or money. He often treats me as an option. If I call, he gets irritated, and if I message, he just ignores them. I think it is time to put a stop to this. He does not give any commitment. He often says that some day our paths will be different. He wants materialistic things from me, rather than wanting me.

Whenever I talk about marriage, he says that his family will not support us. Still, he wants to keep a relationship with me. I have left my close ones, and I have changed my personality for him. He was good before, but now I do not recognize him. I feel like a beggar, who begs for his time. I know that I am holding on to someone whose does not even care about me, but I am unable to get over it. I tried to divert myself with my hobbies and interests. I left my job, and now I do not have money. And he is earning well now. All this frustration is ruining me. I have insomnia, and I cannot sleep at nights. I have got hypothyroidism. This lonely feeling is eating me. I have many things to do, but I am not able to work on anything. Though I train myself to be strong, ultimately I land up getting fooled by his messages or the thought of seeing him with somebody else. But, I cannot take this kind of behavior from him. Please help.

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Hi,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I read your query and understand your concerns.

  • I am sorry to know about the pathetic response you are getting in the hand of someone, who is sure that your paths will be different. In my opinion, no sensible girl will hold on to a person who has no significance of her presence.
  • Coming to your post, I feel there are serious flaws on the part of the person, and there is no base in this relationship, as it is completely on a need basis. You need to make a decision that whether you want to linger around someone or make a decisive step.
  • Your efforts to stay away from him were not clear, as they were inadequate efforts. If this goes on, I must assure you that he is going to run at a time when you will need him most. The seriousness of his action indicates that he lost the charm for you and wants a person according to his convention and needs.
  • Although I prefer to remain non-judgemental, but from the available description, I feel you need to reconsider the current relationship. It is not about taking or not taking poor treatment, but it is about standing for yourself. Being a 24 year old young girl, there is no dearth of eligible boys for you and moving away from the convention is the only action required at your end.
  • Regarding your current symptoms, there is ample evidence of clinical depression. This depression can be treated with either medications or counseling. In my opinion, you need to have a proper consultation for final diagnosis and treatment.

I hope this answers you. If you have more questions or need to discuss in details about anything related to it, feel free to write back to me. I will be glad to assist you. Thanks and regards.

For more information consult a psychologist counsellor online --> https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/psychologist-counsellor


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