Q. My brother behaves harshly to all with murder thoughts. How to help him?

Answered by
Dr. Suresh Kumar G D
and medically reviewed by Dr. Vinodhini. J
This is a premium question & answer published on Mar 26, 2020

Hello doctor,

How do I help my 16-year-old teen brother who refuses to get help? I believe he needs help, but the last time we went to the doctor, they sent him to a counselor who did not do much. When talking to a counselor and other people, he does not show his true colors. At home, he has a very bad temper and tries to fight with everyone. The only one he gets along with is one of his brothers. He has threatened to kill himself because he does not have his laptop anymore, it broke. And he has also stated along the lines that he wants to kill our parents because it is their fault, he is like this. To be fair, our parents are very religious. I do not know how to help him because he does not want help. He says no one cares about him and we all want his life to be bad. What do I do to help?

Dr. Suresh Kumar G D

Child Health Paediatrics Psychiatry


Welcome to icliniq.com.

It can be difficult to see your family going through challenging circumstances. From your report, it looks like your teenaged brother is struggling to regulate his behavior, blames others and is not able to take responsibility for his actions. As you may know already, there is no quick fix solution. Try to be supportive and available whenever your brother needs you. He is lucky to have an understanding sister like you.

He needs to gently changed when he says no one cares about him. Why does he think so? Is he misinterpreting things? You said he gets on well with one of his brothers. Use it positively and involve this brother in getting help for your troubled sibling.

Encourage him to enroll in some course, apprenticeship which will give some positive experience for him. Encourage him to join some sports clubs. Discuss with your parents about adopting a supportive, firm, boundaried relationship with your brother and avoid criticism and confrontational interactions. It may help to have a mentor to talk to him regularly and guide him to make the right choices. It can be any responsible adult whom your brother trusts and will talk to.

Finally, encourage him to see a counselor or doctor again if problems persist.

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