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HomeAnswersPsychiatrynegative thoughtsI say things I do not want to. Please help.

I often end up saying things which I do not mean to. How do I avoid this?

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The following is an actual conversation between an iCliniq user and a doctor that has been reviewed and published as a Premium Q&A.

Medically reviewed by

iCliniq medical review team

Published At November 25, 2017
Reviewed AtFebruary 19, 2024

Patient's Query

Hi doctor,

I often end up saying things which I do not want to, especially with my friends, Later it takes a toll on me. I am fine with the regrets, but I am not able to learn from my regrets. Each time, I decide not to say certain things before I meet or speak to my friend, but eventually, end up saying exactly that. I do not like what I am doing. It happens only with my close friends because I am myself with them. But now, I do not want to be this way with anyone. I do not hate them. Can you help me?

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I understand how you feel about it. Firstly, you should focus on changing how you react. So, on those lines, firstly, my advice to you is to keep a book to pen down your thoughts daily, especially when you say something you regret. Make three columns with. Your reaction. For example, if you said something in anger, make a note of it. Your thoughts at that time. For example, you thought he was not looking at you. Your feelings, then. For example, you were hurt. Keep entering your thoughts this way and read them later. You will slowly be aware of the cycle. Next, you will have to slowly change your thoughts from negative to positive. Writing down daily and becoming more aware of the thoughts will help you change them, and eventually, you will change the way you react and will not regret what you said. Also, do some deep breathing exercises daily, especially in the mornings and afternoons, for a few minutes. It will help you react calmly to things. Do some form of exercise daily. I hope I was able to help you start with the process. Thank you.

Patient's Query

Hi doctor,

Thank you for the reply.

Sometimes, I do pen down my thoughts during the regrets, but I end up making the same mistakes, especially the ones which I have mentioned. The problem here is I am aware of the process, but I am still missing it at times. But, I will try to do it your way.

Hello,

Welcome back to icliniq.com.

It is not just about penning it down. Write in these three columns and go through them. Also, try to follow the other things that I suggested. With the above method, you will be able to consciously change your thoughts from negative to positive. It is like cognitive behavior therapy, which psychiatrists and psychologists use with some patients. It will help you control your thoughts and, thus, your actions better.

Patient's Query

Hi doctor,

Thank you for the reply. Hope you are doing good. In the process of life, we keep changing and transforming ourselves into different people. Is it good to carry that change even with the people from my past?

Hello,

Welcome back to icliniq.com. I am doing good. Thank you. It is not about changing into a different person. We just improvise on ourselves for our own betterment. It is primarily for us that we make small changes to our healthy state of mind. We cannot control or predict people, but we can control the way we react, as that impacts us. It holds good when you are around anybody from your past, present, or future.

Same symptoms don't mean you have the same problem. Consult a doctor now!

Dr. Mascarenhas Lisa Barros
Dr. Mascarenhas Lisa Barros

Psychiatry

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