Hi doctor,
I am honest that I have no physical problems, and I am healthy. But in the back of my mind, I have been thinking of my death for the last four to five years, searching for effective ways to die. I had this thought when I was in my 12th standard, and the feeling grew stronger when I did my MBA. It can be due to my financial crisis, but it feels odd. I feel like I am a problem, and I bother people around me. And that they would be happy with me out of the picture, especially my parents. I know they hate me because I am not stable in one job. I try to do what I feel like. I like to travel and go to new places, but my father pays for expenses. I think deep down; he is resentful that I am wasting his hard-earned money. I do not want to bother him, and I do not want to wake up ever.
Please help.
Hi,
Welcome to icliniq.com.
I went through your query and understood your concern.
It looks like you are stressed and suffering from self-esteem issues. As an adult, you are responsible for your life. You have mentioned that the lifestyle that you are supporting is not being paid by you. I would suggest that you talk to a counselor in detail, which would help you find ways to come out of this situation. Some changes can be suggested which will help you cope with this. The suicidal thoughts are probably an escape in your mind but let me tell you that it does not solve anything. It would be easier and really helpful if you could talk to a professional and take help. Instability in the job can cause a lot of self-esteem issues and also a lack of confidence. So, I suggest you to find and consult a therapist or opt for an online therapy session.
Kindly feel free to follow up if you have any doubts.
Take care.
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